Christmas Snow!

We had the whitest Christmas on record here in NW Oregon. Portland got between 14-15 inches total by the time the whole storm was over... and it was terrible to get around in. Garbage service has not come in a couple of weeks, so our apartment's garbage area is completely overflowing. Like a full dumpster plus 2 dumpsters worth of garbage piled up around it. Mail has not come in about a week because the side streets were not plowed. We're just not used to that kind of weather. As pretty as it was, we're all glad the snow is melted (aside from the big piles on the side of the road and in parking lots). I'm also glad to be at home again. With all the bad weather we stayed in town to be closer to the hospital in case I went into labor.... which.... I'm still waiting;)

Christmas was fun this year because Dorothy was so much more into it. She still asks to open presents every now and then and loves to sing Jingle Bells. With all the snow and ice we had to carry her every time we went outside. We told her it was too icy! So she thinks now that it's too "spicy" outside. Evidently spice, ice, and now dice are all the same thing. Think that's confusing? Try explaining the whole little sister idea... I don't think she knows what's coming. Send me some labor vibes!!

Still Pregnant!

Imagine that... but I didn't really expect to go right into labor or anything. We're just braving the weather here and getting ready for Christmas. I have a few things to wrap for Dorothy and some baking to do for others. For Christmas morning I am going to start making a tradition of having the living room filled up with balloons for kiddos to play with. I can't wait to see Dorothy's face when she get up in the morning. She has been so cute with the tree, she talks about all the ornaments and the first thing she asks for in the morning is lights. Christmas is even more fun now that she's starting to understand it more. We've been watching Polar Express a lot lately and she loves the part where Santa comes out. She's so cute about it. Other than waiting for baby, not much is going on. I'm just anxious for the big day to arrive and trying to decide if I have the guts to go natural or not.

Stitch....

My cerclage is coming out today instead of Thursday due to the snow/ice they are predicting for Wed/Thurs. We are also expecting a snow storm on Sun/Mon. We're headed into town tonight to stay with the in-laws and most likely staying until the snows pass so we can be closer to the hospital and have someone right there to take care of Dorothy if I go into labor. I'm not really expecting labor right away since Dorothy took her sweet time after my stitch was out, but you never know. I've had a feeling that Charlotte is going to be a bit earlier, although that could just be wishful thinking. I'd like her to be here before New Year's, but I'm sure she'll come when she's ready. Better for her to bake as long as possible! I'll update if anything exciting starts happening:)

Finally

It's finals week! I am almost done with my final writing paper. Now all I have to do is take my finals for History and Philosophy, and make a few additional comments on my group project in History. It will be a relief to get it all done, so hopefully the professors put those tests up early in the week.

Dorothy is on antibiotics again, this time it's a different one and so far no hives. She's also on antibiotic eye drops now just in case the goopyness in her eye is more than just discharge from the cold. She's still coughing a lot at night and in the morning, but during the day she seems a bit better. I feel like I'm going to have a full-blown cold here in a few days...... I say bring it on now so I can have it over by the time labor starts (which could be any time, really). I get my last progesterone shot this Wednesday. Then a week from Thursday I get my cerclage removed and David starts a week of vacation. It would be nice if Charlotte just came within that week so he doesn't have to go back to work before his paternity leave. It's all coming so fast!!

Christmas Tree

We got our tree last night, and Dorothy wanted to tell us a little bit about it when she got up this morning....

Cooking

I was in the mood for cooking since I didn't get to do it for so long. So on Saturday I made a full-on turkey dinner and it turned out great! The stuffing was perfect, although next time I think I'll use a turkey bag so the breast stays moist. The AuGratin Potatoes were to die for, really. I think everyone went back for seconds on those!

Oh, yeah. And baby is still cooking, too.

Turkeys...

I got a Turkey tonight and plan on cooking it up tomorrow. It's a young turkey, so a good size for only 3 of us (and leftovers). I'm also going to make some AuGratin Potatoes to go with it, as I have a bit of spiral-cut ham to use up. Looking forward to more tasty food. I really do love this time of year:)

So.....

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We're sufficiently full and happy. It was a great day for us and hope it was for you as well:)

Hives

Dorothy is still getting hives from the Amoxicillin she took, but they seem to be much better than yesterday. Even in the evening yesterday, they seemed to be getting bigger, but this morning they weren't as raised as they had been (although they were still covering her upper body and good portion of her legs). She woke up from nap today with one on her eyelid, but it has already gone down considerably. Hopefully the ear infection clears up on its own and she doesn't get sicker from starting and stopping an antibiotic so abruptly.

Other than that, I am just trying to get homework done intermittently since I didn't get any full days to work on it yet this week. Hopefully Friday I will have most of the day to study. My writing paper needs to get going... only two more weeks until it's due! I can't believe how fast the term went by this time. With being on bedrest, I fully expected it to drag on and on, but the opposite has been true.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow. Today I boiled some yams. Tomorrow I'll peel them and slice them and bake them up candied-style. Mmmmm I can taste the food already. Too bad my stomach hardly holds anything right now. I'll just have to take what I really like and not a bit of everything like I normally do:)

Kicking Myself!

David informed me this morning that I forgot to blog yesterday, so no prizes for me this time:( Not that my odds were that great in the first place, but still. I'm still going to try to blog for the rest of the month, though!

Yesterday Dorothy got sent home from daycare because her eye was oozing green stuff. It had been weepy all weekend, and she has had a pretty nasty cold for close to 2 weeks now. They were afraid it might be pink eye because of the discharge, so she had to go to the Dr. before she could come back to daycare. For some reason when I called the advice nurse yesterday, they didn't put my message in the right box, so even after 3 calls, by the end of the day we still hadn't heard anything back. By the time David got home, I was really frustrated. He ended up calling them again and figuring things out, so we rushed out of the house for a last-minute appointment. Turns out she has an ear infection and the goop coming out of her eye is just from being so congested! She started on Amoxicillin and woke up this morning with hives. Now, she has had this antibiotic before, but they said don't give her any more until we hear back from the Dr. So now I'm a little worried about her reacting even more... I gave her a second dose this morning, and she got a bit of a fever. It's hard to say whether it came from a reaction or her ear infection, but we're keeping an eye on her until we hear back about what to do.

In a nutshell, that's what distracted me from blogging yesterday.

Christmas already!

Today I went to Costco and ordered Christmas cards... I can't believe it's that time again already.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love pumpkin pie? Because I do. And it's everywhere right now.... bad month to be pregnant!!!

I don't think we'll be doing any Christmas shopping this year. I just don't have the energy for it. Maybe I'll make some chocolate-covered peanut butter balls, but that's about it.

Charlotte has been baking for 33 weeks now and I'm really getting impatient for her arrival. Of course I don't want her to come early, but I'm looking forward to full-term getting here soon.

Only a couple more weeks left in the term now. Give me "A" prayers!!

Lunch Out

Last night was nice and we both enjoyed the movie. Dorothy and David are still not feeling well, but were well enough for us to go out (and put Dorothy to bed at Grandma's before we left). I feel like I'm still trying to fight off this cold... sore/scratchy throat and headache, but no full-blown cold yet. Maybe I'll get lucky this time.

Today was a good day, too. I went out to lunch with some girlfriends and then my SIL and I got to go see a movie, too! I'm tired now and ready to veg on the couch....

Date Night

I'm looking forward to my first official date with David since bedrest began. We're going to go see the new James Bond movie:)

Wally World

Today was the first day in a while that I had Dorothy all to myself, as well as my first full day being off of bedrest. So naturally I called my sister (who also has a 2 year old) to see if she wanted to come to Wal Mart with me. Dorothy loves her cousin and she was really excited to go see him. We got a few things at Wal Mart, including stuff to make diaper detergent and a pair of Winnie-the-Pooh shoes for Dorothy. But going to the baby section with a sick toddler *might* not be the best idea and *could* cause a temper tantrum. We didn't stay in the baby section very long.

We had a good morning, but her cough has been really loose and almost wheezy today. She woke up from nap really congested so my mom had her breathe in steam from her coffee, which loosened her up a bit. I may keep her home from day care tomorrow if her cough is still bad, especially since she gags on the phlegm quite a bit now that the cough is more productive. If she threw up at day care, they'd just call me to come get her, anyway. So far all I've had is a scratchy throat, so I'm hoping to avoid being really sick. David is pretty congested and has a cough. Good thing he has a 3-day weekend to rest up now. We're going to try to go out to a movie tomorrow night, but that might have to wait since not all of us are feeling very well.

Yeehaw!

Well, I am officially off of bedrest today. Cerclage will remain in until 4 weeks from tomorrow, which happens to be Dec. 18th, which also happens to be our anniversary. I am dreading removal because it hurt so bad last time. Hopefully he'll numb it a bit first! I'm still on meds for the contractions and I'll be getting weekly progesterone shots for a few more weeks, but we're getting there! I can't believe there are only 4 weeks left until this stitch comes out. That means only 3 weeks left until the end of the term. Better get working on that writing paper, eh?

Today...

Not too much to report. Dorothy was still snotty this morning, but I took her to day care anyhow. She ran in the door and started playing with the kids without even saying goodbye to us, which is definite progress from the fits she has been throwing when we drop her off. I told them if she was acting like she didn't feel good they could call me to come get her, but she ended up being fine. So I spent the day working on History and a bit of writing. When David and I picked her up, there were fresh chocolate chip cookies that the kids hadn't eaten yet. Dorothy was crying because she wanted to stay and I told her that she could have one of her cookies if she stopped crying. She did, but only until she got strapped in the car seat. Then, mouth full of cookie, she threw an even bigger fit... about what I don't know. I think she wanted the other cookie, but her mouth was full of cookie still, so I said no. She screamed even harder, and proceeded to gag her little head off. When she finally stopped gagging, she was crying and saying in between sobs, "I okay!" That's her new thing when she's screaming and crying is to tell us that she's okay. I will never really know what's going on in that little head of hers, but it's a cute little head....

Poor thing!

Poor Dorothy has a pretty bad cold right now. I hate how "barky" sounding her coughs get. Her little nose is totally stuffed up, too. These horrible colds are sweeping through the area right now, so it was only a matter of time before they hit our house, especially with her being in day care. A month and a half in day care before she came down with an illness is pretty good if you ask me. Now if only Daddy and Mommy can stay healthy. Fat chance, I'm thinking!

Blech

One thing I will be glad to have back to normal is my stomach! I still have days where I feel like all my food is right at the top of my throat. My nausea ended around 18-20 weeks with Dorothy, but it has come and gone more this time around. I took my Zofran tonight and still feel blech.... I think I'll just go to bed and try to sleep it off.

Homework day

Today was another homework day... Philosophy mostly and a little History. My brain is officially on overload;)

Beautiful!

My friend Kristy came over on Saturday to do a maternity photo shoot. She has a preview of one of the pics up here if you want to go check it out. If you live anywhere in Portland area (or SW Washington area) you should totally have Kristy take pictures for you! You won't be sorry, she's very artistic:)

Stir Crazy

The weather here today is super crummy! We've got lots of wind and lots of rain and it's not so much fun to lay on the couch and look at. Especially when you're reading about the early period of the political party system and the ratification of the Constitution. I thought I had it down, but then it turns out that the Nationalists and the Federalists switched their names all up! The Nationalists became Federalists and the Federalists became Anti-Federalists. I had to get it all straight in my head again. I'm really not that in to politics, so it's hard to wrap my head around some (ok, a lot) of this stuff. Independent study stinks! I can't wait until April when I will be back in a real classroom.

It took all my willpower not to go to the grocery store on my own tonight. I really wanted to get out of the house and away from the noise of the Blazer game on TV. I keep telling myself that it won't be long now, but it feels like forever! Most likely, my next solo grocery shopping trip will be at the end of December after the cerclage comes out so I don't have to worry about lifting or not lifting a certain amount of weight...

*edit*
OK, so my willpower wasn't so strong. I did end up going to the store, BUT I had the courtesy clerk help me out:)

The countdown....

Notice the ticker over on the side there? It says 60 days to go. That's until I hit my due date, which I most likely won't. This baby is coming soon!!

But my real countdown is until I get off of bedrest, which is on Sunday when I turn 32 weeks. I could wait until my appointment on Wednesday, but he said as long as everything had stayed stable, I could get up at 32 weeks. I'll just keep taking it easy as I need to, but life will be more back to normal! Not too long now.

Heroes

It's Heroes night! This is the only show I watch on a regular basis right now. It's a great show... if you haven't watched it, you should:)

By the way, the soup last night turned out really good.

Smell That????

It's simmering Butternut Squash Soup...
My rules state that I can cook for 15 minutes, so my adventure today is this yummy soup. I can't wait until it's done:)

Butternut Squash Soup:
1 butternut squash, peeled and cubed
2 apples, peeled and cubed
2 T olive oil
2 T onion flakes
4 cups chicken broth
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp coriander
1/4 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp brown sugar

Simmer all ingredients until squash is tender. Add 1/4 cup cream cheese and blend with a hand blender. Eat it up!!

New haircut

A friend came by to cut my hair a couple of weeks ago...

Ah, Friday!

I almost forgot that I hadn't blogged today! Tonight I ended up going to a friend's house to take part in a girls' game night. It was nice to get out of the house and visit with people my own age. Or just people outside the family:) Bedrest can be isolating that way. I definitely enjoyed myself and ate some good snacks. Now it's time to hit the pillow since I can barely keep my eyes open........

Things I like about today....

The leaves are gorgeous.

Baby Charlotte is active and well.

Halloween chocolate was still on sale at Safeway last night:)

I enjoyed a cup of hot tea with chocolate chip cookies.

I took a nap on sheets fresh out of the dryer.

My meals that I froze are tasty. Tonight it was beef stew with biscuits. MMMM!!!

*notice that 3 of the things I listed have to do with food. I like food these days.

History....

is really hard to sit down and read 35 pages of. I'm trying, but blah. So boring! And no assignments or study guides to try to focus in on. I'll be glad when the term is over so I can meet this little one. Spring term will be way better, too! I will be taking all my classes on campus starting then (around April I believe). Nothing new to report. Just watching my fingernails get long. Bedrest is the only time my fingernails get long:)

More Good News!

My appointment went well this morning... cervix is still looking good. In fact, it's getting above 2.5 cm and is now at 2.7/2.8! He said if my cervix is still looking this good in 2 weeks (my last measurement) then I can be off bedrest at that point. Then I'll be like a normal pregnant woman, aside from the stitch still being there and having to take contraction meds. But still. Close to normal is an improvement.

And for your viewing pleasure (Dorothy is the munchkin on the far right):

Crochet....

I finished my first little pair of crocheted pants for Charlotte. I think I'll try to find a pattern for the next pair. They didn't quite turn out like I wanted, but they're cute enough, I think!

Front:



Back:

Teething

We are not so in love with the teething around here. Dorothy has always been a really good sleeper. That is, until she started cutting her 2-year molars. Now she wakes up one or two times a night and hates being put back down. Another lovely thing that came around the same time is her refusal to go to the nursery at church. She used to love it, now she throws a colossal fit. We end up having to hold her out in the hallway and hope she stays quiet enough to not distract everyone. She was never that bad with teething as a baby, but add in being two and she's a different child. She's already cut the top two and now we're working on the bottom two. My hope is that she'll go back to her regular routine once they're through...just in time to adjust to the new baby.

NABLOPOMO

It's NABLOPOMO time again. That's right. A post a day in November. And I should be able to pull it off as long as Charlotte doesn't decide to come early.

I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow. Most likely that means only 2 more weeks of bedrest. I'll still have to be careful not to do too much lifting, but at 32 weeks the survival rate is about the same as full-term. I keep telling myself that the next 8 weeks is going to go by quickly, but right now things are dragging by even with classes to keep me busy. At least it's November already!

28 weeks!!

You'd think being on bedrest that I would post more often. I really intend to, but time slips away from me between homework and Dorothy and everything else. Over the weekend I reached 28 weeks, which was the major milestone we have been shooting for. It feels good to know that baby Charlotte has such a good chance of survival now:)

I had a bit of an eventful week. Last Monday/Tuesday David came down with a cold/fever. By Tuesday afternoon, I had a fever as well... but being that my stomach is so sensitive when I'm pregnant, I wasn't keeping anything down. One of my church friends came to take me to L & D for the night so they could monitor my contractions and hydrate me. We got there around midnight and I was discharged by 7 am, but it was a LONG night. It took me most of the week for my stomach to be back to normal (as normal as before, anyway). I will be getting my flu shot at my appointment this week to avoid Influenza this year. Now I'm just dealing with mild cold symptoms, which are totally nothing in comparison to what I was dealing with. Luckily Dorothy avoided getting sick. She and David will be getting flu shots as well... we can't have the flu this year. I'll be either pregnant or dealing with a newborn for the whole of flu season.

I have also made a *few* more things lately. Purple K asked me to post pictures of the wool diaper covers I've made. I used up all the wool I got from her, and I think they turned out pretty good. There are a few different styles of them.

3 newborn soakers, 1 small soaker, 2 medium soakers, and newborn longies:


1 small soaker and 2 medium soakers:


The rest of the stuff is just random things that I wanted to make....

Strawberry Shortcake set of a prefold diaper, hat, and pants:


4 large fitted diapers:



And a bunch of cloth wipes:


Diapers are about the most exciting thing around here for me, so sorry to bore you with them! I'm actually going to start selling a few things... wetbags, nursing covers, wipes, wool covers, and baby legwarmers. I have a friend that has a website and she wants to have my stuff available on there. As far as time, diapers take a while to make so I don't know yet if I will want to sell those, but I'm sure that if I wanted to I could.

That's all for now! Off to do some more homework... oh, how interesting History is.....

Nice cervix!

My cervix (since I'm sure you allll want to hear about it) is still behaving at around 2.4 cm long, which is the same as it was with Dorothy at this point, so all still looks good. I have been having contractions a lot. So much so that on Friday we went in to L & D to have me monitored. But, of course, by the time we got there they had slowed down. It was a rather uneventful trip and we only ended up being there for around an hour or so. I was glad they calmed down because some of them were as close as 4-5 minutes apart, although most of them averaged about 12 minutes apart. That's been our only "scare" so far, so we're doing alright. At my next appointment I will be 28w2d, so we'll be in the safer zone. Not totally safe, but getting there!

Dorothy seems to be enjoying daycare well enough. She HATES being dropped off and throws a big fit, but she's generally happy when we pick her up. This afternoon she kept saying how she wanted her friends, so I'm taking that as a good sign that she must be having some fun.

Classes are in full swing now, with History being the most time-consuming one right now. I think they'll all take up most of my M/W/F while Dorothy is at daycare. I'm still sewing up a storm, too. I've made a few cloth wipes, some wetbags, some nursing covers, a few newborn wool diaper covers, and a couple of size large fitted diapers. I took some pictures of our "stash" as well. Keep in mind that these are going to diaper her until potty training, although I only had through medium when I took the pictures. Feel free to ignore them if cloth diapers don't interest you, but I think they're lovely. Nothing like a fluffy diaper on a baby bum!

The newborns:
4 KLO colors galore,
1 homemade fitted
1 me-made nb prefold (the black & white)
9 small kissaluvs contours
2 nb fleece soakers
1 xsmall prorap
Not pictured:
2 x-small me-made wool diaper covers
1 pair of me-made nb longies (wool pants)
several more nb prorap covers

The smalls:
5 me-made fitteds
12 sweet cheeks sewn in folded-down position w/sewn-in doublers
4 various adorable fitteds
2 fleece covers
1 small diaperrap cover
4 small proraps
6 0-3 month gerber vinyl covers
Not pictured:
1 yellow me-made pocket dipe w/microfiber insert
1 cute cupcake print fitted
4 small Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers
a few more small prorap covers
1 me-made wool diaper cover

The prefolds:
22 me-embellished infant sized DSQ prefolds that will fit small/med (a few are Christmas-ish because she is trying to come early)

The mediums:
12 Coolababy one-size pocket dipes/inserts (for daycare)
12 sweet cheeks fitted dipes w/microfiber doubler sewn in
10 me-made flannel fitteds
1 kushies all-in-one
2 med fleece covers
3 med prorap covers
4 3-9 month gerber vinyl covers
1 me-made medium drawstring wetbag (for daycare)
Not pictured:
a few more medium prorap covers

The randoms:
3 snappis
a bunch of flannel wipes (making more of those myself)
fleece liners (making more of those, too)
boosters for kissaluv contours
birdseye doublers
flushable liners
Not pictured:
1 pail liner
several diaper pins
8 flat diapers

As far as larges, I now have 5 home-made fitted diapers (2 made by me), 24 premium DSQ prefolds (that I am working on embellishing), one pocket diaper, and several prorap covers. The Coolababy pocket diapers should work through large as well, since they are supposed to fit until 30 lbs. I am also going to be making a bunch more fitted diapers and if I get any baby shower money, I want to invest in a few more cute large fitted diapers if I can find some good deals online.

So that's that! Hope you're not bored to death now:)

25 weeks!

I am so pleased that we have made it another week. This week Dorothy will start her daycare 3 days a week, and that should cut down on the stress of wondering where my help is coming from for the day. Monday is also when my online classes start, so I'm looking forward to the term flying by. 2 weeks after the end of the term is when we should be getting induced as long as baby stays put and bakes that long.

My cervix shortened only a tiny bit. In the past few weeks it has gone from 2.7cm to 2.5cm to 2.25cm. As long as we're moving in mm, then it's not so bad. My cervix is open to the stitch above it, and basically all of my length is below. So little stitch is doing his job very well. I'm trying to stay off my feet unless I am getting something to eat or taking a shower. Obviously sometimes I need to get up for this or that with Dorothy, but for the most part I am doing a pretty good job of staying down.

I made my first pocket diaper this week. A pocket diaper is waterproof, and it is made so that you can stuff the absorbent material inside the pocket. It turned out pretty well, and I hope to make some more after my sewing machine gets back from the shop. I was sad the other day when it pooped out on me, but hopefully a good cleaning and tuneup will fix the problem. Here are some of the embellished prefolds I did before my machine freaked out on me....

Sewing adventures

Since I am on bedrest and classes haven't started yet, I have my sewing machine set up on a wooden chest next to the couch. If I put the pedal on the couch and lay on my side, sewing is not too difficult at all. I have sewed 8 new fitted cloth diapers and modified some fitted cloth diapers that I bought and used with Dorothy. Here are some of the pictures of my diapers....





I am also starting to work on embellishing some prefolds. Since they are plain white, I wanted to add some color to our diaper wardrobe. I have a ton of cute prints, many of them girly, that I can add a wide strip of down the middle of the diaper. I'm excited to see how they turn out and I will make sure to post some pictures when they're done.

I'm also excited to be 24 weeks now! We're now at the beginning of viability, so if my contractions start to change my cervix, the baby would at least have a chance of survival. Her chances get better by the day, really. But 24 weeks was our first major milestone. This pregnancy is flying by!!!

And just because she's my sweetie....

Birthday pictures!!

Knew it was coming....

At my appointment on Tuesday, my Perinatologist broke the news to me that I would be on bedrest. My cervix was about 2.8 cm long, which is marginal. The bedrest is modified, which basically means I can actually sit up to eat and get up for 15 minutes to cook. But other than that and , I'm down. And truly, what can you cook in 15 minutes besides toast or instant oatmeal? Baby is still growing well and now kicks me on a regular basis.

As far as my big girl (if you ask me, she's still my baby), she starts daycare for 3 days a week in October since it's really hard to find enough people to come over and help. My financial aid should cover most of the cost, and we found a home daycare mother/daughter team that is state certified and 3 minutes from our apartment. I think she'll do really well. And, if all goes well and baby # 2 comes safely, she'll start going there in April while I go to classes. I am taking online classes for the next 2 terms since I can't leave the house now, and won't want to when the baby is a newborn. I don't really prefer online classes, but they are the best option right now. Fall term begins on the 29th. David got me a new laptop today so I can have one for classes and while I'm on bedrest. It's nice to have one that doesn't flash or turn off every 5 minutes!

That's about all that's new with me. I'll have a lot of studying to do and a lot of TV to watch for the next few months:)

Still going strong

I'm now 22 weeks and holding steady. I've been on anti-contraction meds that seem to be keeping things calmer, and so far my cervical length remains long enough. Though last ultrasound the difference between without pressure and with was almost a full centimeter and you could see it funneling above the stitch a bit. But so far so good. I have another appointment on Tuesday.





We had a great time at the beach. Dorothy was sitting behind me on the way over there and all of a sudden I hear this little, "goin' peach." She loves the beach, and she still talks about playing in the sand. She helped daddy build sand castles and took walks with Grandpa. Then David and I got a night to ourselves. I didn't want to come home!

As soon as I get the pictures from Dorothy's birthday party on the computer, I'll put them on here. That's right... our baby turned 2 yesterday. It has gone by so fast!

I know, I know...

It's been way too long since I posted any updates. I can't believe I am coming up on 20 weeks already. It feels great and scary at the same time. Still no bedrest, just "take it easy as often as you can," though he knows I have a 2-year-old at home. I'll be taking the anti-contraction meds I took last time since I have had increasing tightening/contractions. I'm really happy with how well things are going so far, and happy to have a somewhat normal summer. Normally I would be taking Dorothy out a lot more and going out to do things, but even still we have done a few things. David is on vacation next week, and this weekend we are headed to the beach with my parents. Dorothy loved the sand when we went for the day (and hated being taken away from the waves). Hopefully the weather will cooperate for us. We went from heat wave to rain, so who knows what we'll get. It's Oregon, after all.

By the way, baby number 2 is a girl!

Family Camp

We have been doing well the past few weeks. I have cooked and frozen just over 20 meals for when I am down, and for the most part I am feeling good. We were able to attend family camp over the weekend at the camp we met at, and Dorothy loved being in the outdoors with the dirt and the lake and the geese (kees). We brought a tent since it was a busy year and we figured cabins would be full, and to my surprise, Dorothy slept just as well in the tent as she does at home. I was glad to not be on bedrest yet, and both sets of grandparents came to help with Dorothy so I could relax when I needed to. I will have another appointment on Tuesday, at which point the progesterone shots will start. For some reason this pregnancy doesn't seem as real to me. I think it might be because I am so busy still coupled with the fact that I am not on bedrest yet. We'll see where I am at next month at this time... I have a feeling I'll be down by then.

Cerclage is in!

I didn't intend to keep everyone waiting for an update. As it happened, our laptop is on its way out and I was away from home on bedrest for a week after the surgery. Then when I got home it has been pretty busy. I really meant to write sooner.

Surgery went alright and he was able to find the scar tissue from last time and put this stitch above it, giving me more length underneath... always a positive. And since I was earlier this time, my cervix was still long and closed. Two weeks really makes a difference. I have to say that the recovery has been harder than last time, and it was no picnic before. I did stay overnight since I had such a rough day after the last time around what with nausea and pain. I was still feeling really bad when I went home, but by that point it was either feel bad there or feel bad at my mom's house, so I decided to leave. I have had quite a few contractions, mostly when I get up and do things, and every single time I pee. He told me I could get up after a week and then I may have a month or two before full bedrest starts and just to be careful not to do too much lifting of Dorothy (yeah right, when I am home alone with a toddler). Vacuuming the other day made me contract the whole next day, so I've decided to pass that chore off until the baby comes, or at least until I am off bedrest and trying to bring on labor:) Nothing feels quite right down there yet, so I'm looking forward to feeling more normal again.

That sums it up for now. Baby's doing well and we're really hoping to go full term again this time!

Lockdown!

Baby number 2 goes into lockdown tomorrow around noon! We got some sweet ultrasound pics this morning, which I'll have to have David post sometime later this week. Our laptop is pretty much dead, so I won't be on much until we figure out a new laptop situation. I will be overnight in the hospital and hopefully going home on Wednesday morning/afternoon. Things are going good and Dorothy is sweet as can be, as always.

Quick check-in

I'll write more when I'm feeling up to it, but I wanted to let you all know that we're all still fine. I saw my Perinatologist last week, and my cerclage is scheduled for next Tuesday at 11w2d. I don't know if the bedrest will start at that point, but I have a feeling that it will. We moved to our own apartment (only a mile and a hlaf from where we lived with my brother) since I am no longer watching my nieces. Still dealing with morning sickness and now nursing a cold that seems to want to settle in my chest... hoping I can kick that by my surgery date. I really don't know if they'll do the surgery if I'm sick, and my doctor is leaving town after that date, and won't be back until I am well over 13 weeks, which puts it too late to put the stitch in. My water was leaking by 15w with Kaily. So hard to believe we lost her 3 years ago now...

More good news!

I had another ultrasound yesterday, followed by a midwife appointment in the afternoon. The baby measured 7w2d and heartbeat was strong at 144 bpm. I'm still having digestive issues, and the midwife thought it might be due to the progesterone I'm taking. I should be getting off of that around 10 weeks, so hopefully that will bring some relief. Until then, I'll have to take the occasional suppository, eat my fiber one cereal, and drink more. Drinking anything is hard right now, but I find that the fruity herbal teas are mild enough on my stomach if I sip them. Broth is also something that has been settling alright, as well as popcicles. I'll be glad to be out of the first trimester... my body is not treating me well, but a baby at the end makes all of it worthwhile.

Didn't want to leave you hanging...

We have a heartbeat of 115 bpm. Itty baby measured 5w6d, which is within a few days of when I thought I ovulated. By my calculations I was 6w 1-2d. I'll go in for a more accurate look on the hospital ultrasound next Monday, and have my first OB appointment next Tuesday. Hopefully bean decides to stick good this time.

Thanks for checking on me, KMW!

Hi!

*wave*
Did everyone have a good day in the sun? We have had record-breaking heat the past two days, and normally I would be out in the sun... but yesterday I was so nauseated I didn't want to do anything but sit on the couch and today I had psych class from 9-5:50. The moments I did step outside, though, were lovely. Nothing like the sun to put a bounce in my step. I'm looking forward to the summer regardless of what news comes on Monday. Still nauseated, still slightly spotting, and still trying to be hopeful.

Class was interesting today. We learned about the development of the human brain from conception through the first year, and it was really fascinating. The DVD had examples of a preemie's brain development and how it differs from a full-term baby's development, as well as a lot of other interesting factoids that I'm too tired to write about. But really, the human brain is amazing, and learning how complex just that one aspect of development is, it's a wonder that we understand anything about how people develop as a whole. There are so many kinds of development that I've never really thought about before. Being in school is great! I can't get enough of it.

The highlight of my day was definitely my little girl. Dorothy was so excited to see me when I came home after being gone all day. She sat on my lap while I ate my nachos and got so enthralled with watching me eat them that she started picking the chips up one at a time and saying, "Open de mouf! Mmmm, nummy! Gee-go (there you go)!" She was putting them in my mouth one after the other as fast as she could, and by the time I was halfway done eating them, we were both covered in refried beans and guacamole. I was laughing so hard I could hardly chew. I live for moments like this. Her little personality is so lively and at 20 months she's talking in more and more sentences. She throws in some nonsense words as filler, but she's really learning how to put words together to get across what she wants to say. She LOVES her alphabet... books about it, songs, having me write it out, or even just saying random letters. If she sees writing on anything, she says "A-bee-seeb (abc's)!" Her favorite letter varies from week to week. This week it seems to be H, but Q and W are always high on the list as well. I'll have to take some more pictures pretty soon!

Monday is far away.

I'm still feeling awful (read: nauseated in spite of zofran), so much so that I'm more than overwhelmed with all the things I have to keep up with. Seems like a positive sign, but I've also been having spotting for 3 days now. I had some spotting with Dorothy, but it was spread out and sporadic. This spotting seems to be getting more regular, and I have to wait until my next ultrasound on Monday to know whether the baby has a heartbeat or not. I have class from 9-5:50 tomorrow and I'm dreading the fact that I might start miscarrying in the middle of it. After everything we've been through in the last few months, I am far from optimistic about this pregnancy. I don't know if the spotting could be from the cyst bursting, or if it is just normal pregnancy stuff. Unfortunately, I am having a bit of cramping now. If I had a backbone, I would ask for a few more days off to relax and see if it helped. But I keep going trying to keep my patience up when I don't have any. All I want to know at this point is whether or not the baby is ok and then go from there. 3 days is an eternity when you're waiting for an answer....

Time for an update

Whew... we had quite the weekend. I woke up at about 6:30 am on Mother's Day, promptly went to the restroom and noticed that the longer I was in there, the more intense my pain was becoming. I have had ovarian cysts before, and it felt very similar, so I laid back down to see if it would pass. It didn't. The pain kept getting worse, and I told David, "I think we need to go to the hospital." As I was trying to get ready to go, I was going upstairs to get something and began to pass out on the stairs, breaking the handrail on the way up. I eventually regained enough thought to crawl to the top of the stairs and lay down, fighting the urge to throw up. Once I caught my voice, I told David to call 911 instead. I thought for sure it was a tubal pregnancy and that the baby or me was in serious trouble. They got there fairly fast, and started an IV right away since my BP was only 80/50. They gave me some IV anti-nausea medication and took me to the ER.

The pain and nausea and light-headed feeling continued all day, even with the meds. to help it. Every time I urinated, the pain got worse, not like a bladder infection, but like the muscles in my uterus/surrounding area were spasming. They ran a few tests and said it looked like the pain was coming from a cyst that was leaking some sort of fluid, but they wanted to keep me overnight to make sure it wasn't a tubal or appendicitis. So we spent Mother's Day and the next day in the hospital getting not-so-great treatment. My first nurse, when my pain and discomfort was the worst, would say, "well, your vitals look fine," when I would call her and tell her how horrible I was feeling, instead of actually asking if there was something she could do to help. She actually stopped the IV almost as soon as I arrived at the hospital, even though the IV had gotten my BP up to normal. She restarted it when I told her I was feeling lightheaded again, even though I was laying flat on my back. One nurse thought I was 5 months pregnant, one thought I had just delivered, one said my pain could be implantation-related and tried to offer me ibuprofen, when it's a no-no during pregnancy. The ER doc said that they couldn't confirm I was actually pregnant since the fetus wasn't visible yet, even though my HCG had risen substantially and there was a gestational sac in the uterus. Maybe they meant they didn't know if I had a viable pregnancy, but to be told that you might not be pregnant when you're so scared for the baby is very upsetting. The nurse I had for Monday was awful. Not only was there a huge language barrier (they should really require that the nurses at least understand everything you're saying), but she rarely checked on me, thought I was there for contractions, and refused to take out my IV that was obviously irritating my vein. How hard would it be to start a new one if needed?! Then the kicker came during check-out when the Dr. came in and said, "I see you're here because you're having some discomfort." Some discomfort, I thought! Stubbing your toe causes some discomfort, this was more than discomfort... it is the worst pain I have ever been in!! He hardly explained a thing, told us the HCG had dropped from the morning to the evening, and never confirmed what the pain had been caused from or how long I could expect it to last.

In all, I felt like the majority of the people just brushed me off. By the time the charge nurse got there, I was so upset I was bawling, and I just spilled out how I felt and what had gone on. She gave me a sheet to fill out and told me to write everything down, and called my OB right away. She personally stopped by on her way home from her hair appointment to talk to us about things. She said I was definitely pregnant, and that the HCG drop could have been from the cyst bursting. She also confirmed that she thought the cyst was the cause of the pain, and to expect residual pain for up to a week. I was so thankful that she stopped by, it really helped me out and answered some questions.

I had a follow-up ultrasound yesterday, and they saw a yolk sac in the gestational sac, and the sac had grown as well. My HCG had gone from 5700 Sunday morning to 4900 Sunday evening to 13000 Tuesday morning. So all signs look good right now. And, as expected, my morning sickness hit yesterday afternoon. Now I'm fighting all-day nausea and taking it as another good sign, even though I feel like death warmed over. So that's why I've been absent for a few days. I'll have another blood draw and ultrasound on Monday to see where things are at. Keep praying!!

Praise GOD!

The levels went up to 731, so they more than doubled. We're not out of the woods, but it's a start...
Pray for our bean.

*My Dr. called this evening to talk to me personally. She said the levels weren't high, but since they were going up, it was a positive sign. We also rescheduled the first ultrasound for the 19th, since on the 14th, I will only be 5w4d, and once I'm past 6 weeks we should see more (if I progress that far). She actually didn't sound very optimistic, which kind of sucks, but they told me flat out that Dorothy was going to miscarry early on and she didn't. So they're not always right. I'm just encouraged that my numbers doubled. She wants to do one more draw early next week... I think I'll go Monday first thing so I can get my results that afternoon. I will be 23 DPO on Monday and my HCG should be around 4400 or so by my estimation, if it doubles every 48 hours. Basically, she told me the only chance of this baby making it is staying on the progesterone. I'm sure glad I started taking it right away (even before she ok'd it). So we shall see...*

HCG results

My HCG at 16 DPO was 345, which is 300 higher than my last one made it to. Really the next one is going to tell us whether it's good news or bad, but at least I know it's within "normal" range for now.

In Remembrance

I went to a one-year bible school shortly after high school, and I heard yesterday that the girl that was in the dorm room next to mine lost her son. I don't know exactly when he was born, but he came early... I think about a month ago? His due date would have been on the 10th of May. He was in seemingly perfect health when he passed away suddenly on Sunday. Though I don't know her that well, my heart breaks for them. Please remember their family, losing this sweet little Jacob.

Hopefulness

I'm really working on being hopeful, but I also want to protect myself. It's natural to try to shield one's heart from more pain. However, even the times I pretended (or tried) not to be attached to my babies, the connection was instant. Regardless of my feelings going in to the pregnancy, when it was lost, I still had grief. Due to the spotting and the lack of symptoms, my OB did order blood tests to see where my hormone levels are at... one today and one in 48 hrs. I stopped by dollar tree on my way home to get a urine test because I wanted to prepare myself for the numbers to be astronomically low. In fact, I was already convinced that my at-home test would be a blaring negative. I've already started planning my summer without the thought of being pregnant. Funny how we assume we know things before they happen. Well, the test turned a DARK positive immediately. The test line showed up before the pee even crossed the window. I'm taking it as a sign of hope. For now. Ask me in a few minutes and I might tell you differently. But it is what it is. The test still tells me I'm pregnant, so there's nothing to do but believe that I am. Any prayers for one last miracle baby would be appreciated.

Need some time off!

I get two days off this week, but to be truthful, I just need the whole week! My temp was down a bit this morning, not super far, but the dip back down was really gradual over a few days the last two times, and it was right around where I am now. Honestly, I don't FEEL pregnant at all, which is mostly the reason I think this isn't going anywhere. Maybe I'm trying to protect myself. Maybe I have more reason to hope than I think... but I'm just trying to be realistic. The two times I did make it through the first trimester, I had wickedly sore boobs, constant hunger, constant peeing, you know the drill. Right now I don't really feel anything. But on the flip side, no cramping or spotting today, which *might* be a good sign. Not holding my breath after everything we've gone through, though. Positive pregnancy tests just don't (with one exception) equal take-home babies for us. Can you blame me for being a pessimist?

For now, all I can do is hope.... and kiss my baby girl even more than normal, if that's possible:) She's just too kissable.

The home front

The news is that I tested positive this week... but please no congratulations yet. I spotted a bit today, and have been having quite a bit of cramping, so I'm just assuming that the progesterone supplements are delaying the inevitable. On the off chance that they might be saving a baby, I'm going to continue taking them. My OB is not taking betas (pregnancy hormone levels) so now I have no warning on whether or not I am going to miscarry again. And my first appointment is not until the 14th. The waiting game is so hard...

I'm just praying that this little one makes it, but then again I've begged God before and it hasn't made a difference in the outcome. I wonder why my body won't hold a baby...

Still Waiting

I'm now 5 DPO and counting, as I'm sure all of you are fascinated to know what's going on with my cycle... or not so much. But really, I'm holding my breath for some good news around here. It would sure be about time. Not holding my breath for it, though.

It's been hard for me because so many of my friends are due around the same time that I would have been, and I just keep finding out about more. I don't want to compare myself, but anyone who has been in a similar situation knows how sensitive it can be to see someone who is as far along as you *should* have been, or who has a baby the same age as one yours would have been if you hadn't lost him/her. I experience this in our small group on Monday nights. For the most part, I love going because I get to connect with more people from church. There is a younger couple (about our age) we have become friends with. They had a miscarriage sometime last year, and they are now 13 weeks pregnant. She found out she was pregnant two weeks after my latest miscarriage. I hate myself for comparing, and I try really hard not to. But I find myself dreading group more often than not lately. Every time I go, I am faced with what we lost. Every time I sit and listen to the prayers for their baby, when it seems that people rarely pray for God to give us one. Of course, I would never wish anything bad to happen, and I also pray for the safety of their baby. I truly hope that everything turns out to be better for them than it has for us. They are kind people who will be great parents, without a doubt. In spite of all this, I still find myself crying on the way home a lot of the time. My heart aches. People say that God fills all needs, but there is a hole that will be there all my life, 3 children that I will never see on this earth. True, the hole grows smaller over time, but every once in a while, the rawness of it creeps back in. Having faith doesn't mean we don't get wounded.

All in all, I'm just sick of being in this waiting game; sick of wishing things were different; sick of hiding how I feel. The christian community can be wonderful, but there can also be a lot of judgment. Many people were supportive when they found out about the miscarriages. But now two months later, people seem to forget how hard it can be. I get comments like, "there's something to be said for smiling through the grief." On one level I know it comes from a good heart, and I know that I can't let it swallow me up or turn me into a bitter person. Neither of those things would make my life any easier. But on the other side of it, I feel like I need to let these feelings out, and I don't think I'm a worse person, or have less faith because of it. I don't have time (or opportunity) to release many of these feelings at home, and it all just comes to the surface when I get away from my regular routine (when I'm not being pulled in a million directions). Truth be told, I'm somewhat looking forward to being required to stay in bed if I get pregnant (and stay that way). I haven't had a true rest in months, and I am genuinely tired.

On a lighter note, enjoy some pictures of my latest concoctions, and just imagine the smells if you can!

Warm bran muffins with dates instead of raisins.

For dinner we bring on 15-bean soup slow-cooked on the stovetop with carrots, celery, onions, garlic, and ham hocks.

And on the side we have homemade whole wheat bread sweetened with molasses and brushed with butter.

How could we skip fresh chocolate chip cookies for dessert?

One down...

four to go. Yesterday was my first Clomid dose. Migraine headache last night, but hopefully all we'll need is one month on it. Wish us luck.

Beginnings

This week was the beginning of Spring term. I'm happy to report that my College Algebra class stayed open despite low enrollment. After a couple of people dropped, we ended up with only eight students in class. The gal I was sitting next to said it felt like we were in an expensive private university. With the combination of a small class and an excellent teacher, I have high hopes of doing really well, and also enjoying my time there. This will also be the first math class I am taking in a non-condensed form, and let me tell you there is already a difference. He is able to spend much more time on each topic, which helps with not having to do as many repetitive problems at home.

I also had my appointment with my OB on Monday. We have two options... one is clomid to help me ovulate on a more regular basis, which should also make my luteal phase longer and aid implantation. The other option is to let my body ovulate when it's good and ready and supplement with progesterone from 3 days after ovulation, and up through 10 weeks, should I get pregnant. David and I started our Doxycycline this morning, the antibiotic we have to take for two weeks to treat a possible infection in either of us. I am not thrilled about having to decide between progesterone and Clomid. Somehow I doubt that the clomid would help my progesterone stay high for the whole first trimester, but I don't really know how these things work. All I know is that I would feel more secure taking progesterone the whole first 10 weeks, but I also would like to ovulate sooner than day 19-30, which is my time range. So here we go, and hopefully a live baby this time.

Here are some Dorothy pictures, too. I just love this girl!









And here is sick mommy. I had a low-grade fever and headache all week (from Saturday through Thursday), and now that it's Friday, AF decided to show full-force, which practically puts me to bed every time. Don't I look (not) fabulous?

Inspiration

Blair posted this on her blog a while ago, and I just have to share it with you. I was inspired... hope you will be, too!

TED talk with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor

A Quiet Moment...

Down time is something almost unheard of in this household. With a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and my own 18-month-old, things can get a little hectic. "Spring Break" is this week, and I put that in quotes because my duties with the kids continue. My lovely mother comes over every Tuesday to rescue my sanity for a few hours. I look forward to the break, as it's usually my only one. Ahh, and today is Tuesday.

To be honest, I have been down off and on since the miscarriages, and I go back and forth about whether to subject my body (and my emotions) to more upheaval. Sometimes I am alright with not trying again, and possibly adopting in the future (be it near or far). All those feelings change when I walk into church and hear my friend talking to someone about her recent 8-week ultrasound, complete with healthy baby and strong heartbeat. That should have been us... twice. It cuts to the core. In times like those, I know I must try one more time. But when is enough enough?

I know now that my calling is first and foremost to be Dorothy's mommy and my hubby's wife. However, beyond those things, I am supposed to help people... more specifically, people with babies. I am weighing my options at this point, and have decided that if I pursue the nursing degree, my hope is to earn my Nurse-Midwife certification as well. But something I have been considering since I was pregnant with Dorothy is med school. It took me months to tell David about it. After all, we have a child and I know residency is hell. I also know God has given me gifts and He wants me to use them, one of them being my mind. Whether I go into nursing school or medical school, I know those gifts will be used. I'm leaning more toward midwifery, but honestly, I would like to see both in action before I decide which one to pursue. Mainly, I need to see what the differences are in order to find out which would suit my personality. Family comes into play, too. Is the time sacrifice going to be worth it? How hard am I willing to fight to get in? Will we have to relocate?

My classes are going well so far. Grades were posted yesterday, and I have maintained my 4.0. Next term I will be taking college algebra and Psychology 215 (developmental psych). That is, if my math class stays open. Enrollment is low at this point, so I'm hoping a few more people register... I think we only need 4 more.

That's life in a nutshell right now. My next OB appointment is on the 31st, and I'm pretty sure we'll be cleared to try again at that point, if we're ready. We shall see.

Not Technically Tagged....

But it seemed like an easy enough meme to do:) Catherine had this on her site.

The rules are simple. Look up from the computer, look around the room where you're sitting and pick up the closest book. And closest really means closest. No cheating by running upstairs to unearth your pink-highlighted college copy of The Critique of Pure Reason or the Prolegomena. Open the book, turn to page 123, count down to the fifth sentence on that page, and then post the next three sentences.

Well, there are 3 books nearest me: my LB Brief Writing Handbook. Blah. My Elementary and Intermediate Algebra Textbook. Double blah. And my writing textbook called The Writer's Presence. I'll go with that one, since there are at least stories in that one!

On Pg 123 the story is "A Clack of Tiny Sparks" by Bernard Cooper

"He was 'all wound up,' as my mother put it."

The Hair

Like I said, the pictures don't do it justice, and I am wearing no makeup or earrings, but you get the idea.

Fun With Egg Salad Sandwiches

I found this in the kitchen:)

An exercise in thankfulness

Things I am grateful for:

1- This man, who is strong, handsome, supportive, and intelligent. I can't imagine my life without him.




2- My sweet Dorothy, who brings constant joy and laughter to my life. She is my gift!



3- These girls, my two nieces, who I have the privilege of watching every day (that's my mommy in the picture with them).



4- All the family that is a part of our life.

5- We have a place to live and a job that has provided for our needs.

Those are just a few things to be thankful for.

Oooouuuuuuchhh...

I tried to upload the cutest video, but pictures will have to do for now...

Dorothy loves her boxes.

My favorite haircut ever (the day we found out I was pregnant in December).

Our crazy, so-unlike-Oregon snowstorm over the weekend.

Turkey and dumplings. I needed some comfort food on Monday (the day of our most recent miscarriage). Need I say more?

My something to smile about.....

I had my follow-up appointment with my new OB yesterday morning. Initially, I was going to demand to see a specialist... maybe I should have, but she seemed to be very proactive. She's doing several blood tests for me, and a few for David as well. Regardless of what (if anything) she finds out from the blood tests, when we do try again we will both have a round of antibiotics at the beginning of that cycle. If/when I conceive, I will be on progesterone supplements from the moment I find out that I am pregnant. If we can make it through the first trimester, the plan will be the same as with Dorothy: cerclage at 13 weeks, weekly progesterone shots/ultrasounds, and probable bedrest and contraction meds. My OB did ask me if I wanted a lot of children. What a loaded question! But rationally, I know that one more full-term pregnancy is all I am shooting for. Her advice was the same, that she only wanted to see me go through one more pregnancy, and she'd like to see me go for a tubal (or vasectomy for DH) after that. I can live with that. With the struggle it has been to even get where we are, it's probably best physically and emotionally not to pursue it any further after two children. She advised us to wait two normal cycles before we try, so that would put us tentatively trying again around the beginning of April IF my next two cycles are on the short end, as I tend to be irregular. That's it for now!