Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Quiet Moment...

Down time is something almost unheard of in this household. With a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and my own 18-month-old, things can get a little hectic. "Spring Break" is this week, and I put that in quotes because my duties with the kids continue. My lovely mother comes over every Tuesday to rescue my sanity for a few hours. I look forward to the break, as it's usually my only one. Ahh, and today is Tuesday.

To be honest, I have been down off and on since the miscarriages, and I go back and forth about whether to subject my body (and my emotions) to more upheaval. Sometimes I am alright with not trying again, and possibly adopting in the future (be it near or far). All those feelings change when I walk into church and hear my friend talking to someone about her recent 8-week ultrasound, complete with healthy baby and strong heartbeat. That should have been us... twice. It cuts to the core. In times like those, I know I must try one more time. But when is enough enough?

I know now that my calling is first and foremost to be Dorothy's mommy and my hubby's wife. However, beyond those things, I am supposed to help people... more specifically, people with babies. I am weighing my options at this point, and have decided that if I pursue the nursing degree, my hope is to earn my Nurse-Midwife certification as well. But something I have been considering since I was pregnant with Dorothy is med school. It took me months to tell David about it. After all, we have a child and I know residency is hell. I also know God has given me gifts and He wants me to use them, one of them being my mind. Whether I go into nursing school or medical school, I know those gifts will be used. I'm leaning more toward midwifery, but honestly, I would like to see both in action before I decide which one to pursue. Mainly, I need to see what the differences are in order to find out which would suit my personality. Family comes into play, too. Is the time sacrifice going to be worth it? How hard am I willing to fight to get in? Will we have to relocate?

My classes are going well so far. Grades were posted yesterday, and I have maintained my 4.0. Next term I will be taking college algebra and Psychology 215 (developmental psych). That is, if my math class stays open. Enrollment is low at this point, so I'm hoping a few more people register... I think we only need 4 more.

That's life in a nutshell right now. My next OB appointment is on the 31st, and I'm pretty sure we'll be cleared to try again at that point, if we're ready. We shall see.


The Princess said...

Just know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the best.

hallegracesmama said...

((hugs)) We too lost a baby last fall. That, coupled with terrible diagnoses from the fertility clinic, left me feeling down a lot. Hang in there.

Julie (halle's mom)

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say again that I'm sorry.

Keep up the good work at school!

KMW said...

Good luck at your appointment! And it's great that you are considering med school or midwifery. I'm sure you'd be amazing at both, and there is no reason you shouldn't go for all your goals!!

purple_kangaroo said...

I'm praying for wisdom, peace and strength for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Becci,

I am so sorry about Tuesday not working out. I know you were disappointed, and so were the girls. When there is snow in the air and I am fighting off the colds going around, it pretty much knocks me off my feet for a day. Fortunately, it doesn't happen that often.

Love, mom