Hopefulness

I'm really working on being hopeful, but I also want to protect myself. It's natural to try to shield one's heart from more pain. However, even the times I pretended (or tried) not to be attached to my babies, the connection was instant. Regardless of my feelings going in to the pregnancy, when it was lost, I still had grief. Due to the spotting and the lack of symptoms, my OB did order blood tests to see where my hormone levels are at... one today and one in 48 hrs. I stopped by dollar tree on my way home to get a urine test because I wanted to prepare myself for the numbers to be astronomically low. In fact, I was already convinced that my at-home test would be a blaring negative. I've already started planning my summer without the thought of being pregnant. Funny how we assume we know things before they happen. Well, the test turned a DARK positive immediately. The test line showed up before the pee even crossed the window. I'm taking it as a sign of hope. For now. Ask me in a few minutes and I might tell you differently. But it is what it is. The test still tells me I'm pregnant, so there's nothing to do but believe that I am. Any prayers for one last miracle baby would be appreciated.