Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Poor Little Babe

Dorothy went to the Dr. today. She got some tylenol with codeine for her sore throat/cough, as well as some antibiotic for an ear infection. When she woke up with 102 degree fever this morning, I decided that was it. We had called yesterday after she cried most of the day (in addition to my concerned call on Saturday). Without a Dr. even seeing her they said they wouldn't be able to do anything for her anyway. So we moved on to call # three today; they finally said they could work her in for a quick appointment. Gee. Thanks for the great customer service, and I'm so very glad we're not an annoyance to you. I better go get her now. She's crying in her bed:(

Monday, May 28, 2007


Here I was, all ready to post some recent pictures... and the camera is MIA. I probably left it at a parent's house or some such thing. My profound apologies.

We've had a busy couple of weeks. David and I were both on vacation last week, though the last part of it was spent caring for a sick baby. Dorothy has her worst cold yet. The green snot oozes. The first night I thought she was just having a bad dream or something because she was crying and gagged herself until she threw up in her crib. I gave her a bath and put her back to bed. She did the same thing during her nap on Saturday. From that point on she coughed more and more, getting progressively more barky and congested. She's had a fever off and on. Saturday night I almost took her in to the hospital because of how tight her chest sounded. You could hear that barking noise even when she was only breathing. I was up with her most of the night that night. She has continued to gag herself with the coughing and crying, occasionally to the point of throwing up. Her chest still sounds wheezy at times, but rattles instead of sounding barky. Mom says that is a good sign because it means things are losening up, but I'm still worried. Her cough still sounds unproductive, tight, and painful. I can't get her to take any kind of decongestant because that gags her, too. At least she'll take the ibuprofen for her fever. Any advice on whether to take her to the doctor? I don't like going in only to have them tell us to keep doing what we're doing.

Of course mommy has to catch whatever baby has, right? So I have a cold to welcome me back to work;) I'm only a working woman until the end of June, though, due to lack of a babysitter. I will be starting classes, though around that time, so I'm sure I'll keep plenty busy. I'm starting off with algebra 1 (math 60) since I am such a genius and can't remember anything I learned in high school. I'm doing a condensed calss, so It starts June 19th and ends July 26th. Class meets Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:00-9:30 PM. I'm also taking an online computer science class that will be "meeting" for the entire summer term.

Keep us in mind come the fall. I'm waiting to hear what kind of financial aid package we'll receive. I still have to apply for a childcare grant from the student government, which I can't do until the summer term starts. I put Dorothy on the waiting list at the college child care center. Unfortunately, it is a YMCA. Therefore, it is open not only to the kids of college students, but also to the community.... which means almost a 0% chance of her getting in there because the waiting list is ginormous. I'm wanting to take 3 classes per term, and really, really hoping to keep them all on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I have as few days away from Dorothy as possible.

As for another baby, who knows when/if on that one. We'll most likely wait until I'm done with school. Unless an oops happens that's the idea.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Beach Trip

Thanks to everyone who answered my questions about nursing:)

Last weekend we went to the beach with Dorothy. She rode in the backpack and loved it even though it was cold out. We had a busy week what with David being out of town and all. I am leaving this morning to go on my first weekend trip without Dorothy. I'll update on Sunday or Monday with some of what has been going on with us, plus some more cute pictures of Dorothy.

Friday, May 11, 2007

All you Nurses out there...

After that last post baring my soul and only getting 5 comments, I'm a little self-conscious that I shared too much.

But on to other things. My mind is exploding with all the possibilities for a nursing degree. There must be a billion questions floating around in my head and hopefully there are some nurses who read this who might be able to give me some advice. I know there's at least two of you (nurses) that read occasionally, if not regularly. So, here are my thoughts... as they come to me.

1. I've heard that they may eventually phase out Associate Degrees in Nursing, so if you don't have your bachelor's degree, you might be forced into going back to school to get it in the future. Is this just a rumor, or is there info. to substantiate it?

2. I have been on many websites and seen many different titles for nurses... LPN, LVN, RN, CNA, ASN... the list goes on. What do they all mean? How do I know which degree to go for?

3. I got good grades in my math classes in high school, but I did have to work on it a lot harder than english/lit classes. To get a bachelor's degree it looks like I have to take College Algebra and Statistics. Those are in addition to Algebra 1,2,&3. Algebra 1 & 2 are the classes that don't count toward my prerequisites, they're basically just catch-up since it has been 8 years since I graduated high school. My problem is that I don't retain math unless I use it often. I'm thinking that regardless I should just take a math class every term and do all 5. Is this a smart way to go?

4. In part because of the math issue, I am thinking of blasting right on through and taking summer classes as well. Is it better not to take classes in summer to give myself a break, or would it be better to keep the math fresh in my head and always be taking classes?

5. Is 11-12 credits per term too heavy of a load considering that I have a baby at home? It would average 3 classes per term; with a math, a science and one additional class. If I did summer classes as well, I could get through all of my prerequisites in a year and a half. If I only did two classes per term, it would be closer to a bit over 2 years, even up to 3 years if I didn't take classes in the summer.

6. How long of a wait is there to get into the average nursing program? With good grades, applying in the spring, would I be likely to get into a program the fall of the same year?

7. Should I scrap the idea of even considering another baby while I'm in school and just wait until after I have landed a job?

8. Are there specialized studies if you want to go into a certain area of nursing. For example, if I want to work in a Perinatologist's office, would a general nursing degree get me into pretty much any setting I want to work in?

I'm sure there's more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Feel free to email ( the answers if they're too long for the comment section:)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Maybe I do just need to write

An old classmate from my grade school just got in touch with me on myspace. It is always nice to hear from people, and he's doing well... living in the midwest married with 4 kids. Oddly enough, when he said I looked the same as always, it evoked in me a feeling of panic. How we've all grown up and changed since then, and how I do NOT want to be that little girl that I was.

But there's a part of me that will always be back in grade school.

You see, it's definitely got me thinking. I really really hated my school. I loved learning and got good grades, in fact the areas I excelled in literally kept me alive when I had no desire to go on. There were a group of us that were actually sent up to the next class for all the major classes; such as math, reading, science, etc. My school was small. And I mean SMALL. 100 kids from kindergarten through eighth grade. Our grade had 14 boys and 6 girls, a few of whom were good friends, a few of whom decided when to be my friend and when to backstab. I got used to being picked on. I hated grade school, and even more hated myself.

The worse things got at school, the harder I worked at my academics, music, and art. Every day when I got on the bus a group of guys would mock me and smash their noses, telling me how flat my face was. And if I was in a fight with a particular friend, she knew right where to get me. One time when she was trying to impress the guys, she smashed her face against the seat and said, "look, I'm Becci!" I was constantly being told it looked like my face had been run into by a semi truck. A girl that was quite a bit older than me would make fun of my clothes (we had no money for nice clothes). One time in particular I had gotten a pair of purple pants for Christmas. I loved them, and hardly ever having new things, I was so happy to have these pretty new purple pants. This girl mocked me loudly, saying it just looked like someone had picked their nose and wiped it on my pants. On many occasions, I didn't want to go to school, sometimes didn't even want to get up in the morning.

I was tired of sitting in class just waiting for that moment, the moment when someone would secretly do something mean; like make a pig out of modeling clay and pass it around the room whispering that it was me. When I would cry or say something out loud, I would be the one getting in trouble instead of the people who made life miserable for me.

It got so bad that a couple of the guys making fun of me all those years crossed the line from poking fun to sexual harassment. I told, they got suspended, and I went to school with them until the end of the school year. People would avoid me on the stairs saying that if they touched me I would report them. I became invisible. Sometimes I still feel the sting of those days. It got even worse, so after that year I was pulled out of that school district and put in the other one nearest us.

But I carried these things with me. And they caused a lot of problems. When I went to my new school, it felt so nice to be liked (at least by some people) that I did a lot of things that ended up messing up my life. I would drink or smoke to impress. I would cut myself to numb the pain I couldn't escape from. Not that I would change my life. A lot of who I am now stems from the things I have been through. But the constant feelings of ugliness caused me to tend toward an eating disorder for several years, something I overcame with God's help shortly before meeting my husband. Years of struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide have also melted away with the Lord's gentle healing.

But there is still that part of me that wants to try to please everyone, even though I know I can't. That part of me that caves with the slightest bit of opposition... I call it the spineless me. The part of me that says I'm too dumb to go to nursing school even though I know I'm smart. The part of me that wonders if everyone sees me the way those people used to see me... as ugly and useless. The part of me that makes it hard to believe my husband when he says I'm gorgeous.

And the part of me that hates me.

Words can be strong, so use them well. If only kids could understand the power they have in how they treat their peers. And now that I have a daughter, how can I protect her from those things? How can I make her life better? Or can I? Maybe, just maybe, mothering is more about being there through the crap than it is about preventing it. Because Lord knows I can't be everywhere all the time. Sometimes I just have to give up and say there's nothing more to do. Just trust that the lessons we learn are valuable, even if we have to learn them through isolation, persecution, loss, bad choices, or whatever else life throws our way.

And slowly I have begun to see possibility rather than dread. I'm seeing that I AM somebody, that I have worthwhile things to say. That I matter to a lot of people, and that I could be a damn good nurse if I really want to. That I can love God and still have flaws, and He won't kick me to the curb if I screw up. The thing that has kept me from going to college is fear mainly. Fear that I'll mess it all up once I put it into practice.

But I'm tired of being held by fear. I'm not going to let it hold me any more, even if I have to fight it.

Here's to possibility.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Eight whole months!

Can it be that Dorothy has been outside of my womb for eight months? It seems slightly unreal to me that it has been that long. Time has really flown by for me, and though I try to treasure the time I have with her, it seems to slip away so fast while I'm trying to keep up. I totally lost track of time and didn't even write anything for her seven month birthday. Four more months and she will be a year old, around the same time we are considering trying for another baby. I still don't know if I'll be ready then, but it's still a possibility.

Dressing her up is still one of my favorite things to do, and thanks to so many of you generous bloggers out there (you know who you are) Dorothy has a ton of the cutest clothes ever! So many clothes that I don't have to buy anything until the 18-24 month size.

Dorothy really seems to be a Daddy's girl. Especially when he goes out of town for work. She just lights up when he walks in the room. Daddy means play time!

All that tummy time still hasn't helped her learn how to crawl...

But there's nothing sweeter than taking a nap in the middle of the living room wearing nothing but a diaper...


I've been pondering something for a while now. In high school I was a good student. In my senior year I slacked off too much (and also took 2 more classes than a full schedule) so my GPA was only 3.74 when I graduated. To this day I still love to learn, but I never decided to go to college. But lately I have been having that itch. And more for a particular reason. You see, I want to help women that have been where I have been, and the best way to do that would be to go to school and become a nurse. I have filled out the FAFSA and I'm looking at going to Warner Pacific if they have evening classes for a pre-nursing program. I'll find out more as the weeks go on, but I feel like this is really something I can do.

Here's to a dream.