Like I said, the pictures don't do it justice, and I am wearing no makeup or earrings, but you get the idea.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
An exercise in thankfulness
Things I am grateful for:
1- This man, who is strong, handsome, supportive, and intelligent. I can't imagine my life without him.
2- My sweet Dorothy, who brings constant joy and laughter to my life. She is my gift!
3- These girls, my two nieces, who I have the privilege of watching every day (that's my mommy in the picture with them).
4- All the family that is a part of our life.
5- We have a place to live and a job that has provided for our needs.
Those are just a few things to be thankful for.
1- This man, who is strong, handsome, supportive, and intelligent. I can't imagine my life without him.
2- My sweet Dorothy, who brings constant joy and laughter to my life. She is my gift!
3- These girls, my two nieces, who I have the privilege of watching every day (that's my mommy in the picture with them).
4- All the family that is a part of our life.
5- We have a place to live and a job that has provided for our needs.
Those are just a few things to be thankful for.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Oooouuuuuuchhh...
I tried to upload the cutest video, but pictures will have to do for now...
Dorothy loves her boxes.
My favorite haircut ever (the day we found out I was pregnant in December).
Our crazy, so-unlike-Oregon snowstorm over the weekend.
Turkey and dumplings. I needed some comfort food on Monday (the day of our most recent miscarriage). Need I say more?
My something to smile about.....
I had my follow-up appointment with my new OB yesterday morning. Initially, I was going to demand to see a specialist... maybe I should have, but she seemed to be very proactive. She's doing several blood tests for me, and a few for David as well. Regardless of what (if anything) she finds out from the blood tests, when we do try again we will both have a round of antibiotics at the beginning of that cycle. If/when I conceive, I will be on progesterone supplements from the moment I find out that I am pregnant. If we can make it through the first trimester, the plan will be the same as with Dorothy: cerclage at 13 weeks, weekly progesterone shots/ultrasounds, and probable bedrest and contraction meds. My OB did ask me if I wanted a lot of children. What a loaded question! But rationally, I know that one more full-term pregnancy is all I am shooting for. Her advice was the same, that she only wanted to see me go through one more pregnancy, and she'd like to see me go for a tubal (or vasectomy for DH) after that. I can live with that. With the struggle it has been to even get where we are, it's probably best physically and emotionally not to pursue it any further after two children. She advised us to wait two normal cycles before we try, so that would put us tentatively trying again around the beginning of April IF my next two cycles are on the short end, as I tend to be irregular. That's it for now!
Dorothy loves her boxes.
My favorite haircut ever (the day we found out I was pregnant in December).
Our crazy, so-unlike-Oregon snowstorm over the weekend.
Turkey and dumplings. I needed some comfort food on Monday (the day of our most recent miscarriage). Need I say more?
My something to smile about.....I had my follow-up appointment with my new OB yesterday morning. Initially, I was going to demand to see a specialist... maybe I should have, but she seemed to be very proactive. She's doing several blood tests for me, and a few for David as well. Regardless of what (if anything) she finds out from the blood tests, when we do try again we will both have a round of antibiotics at the beginning of that cycle. If/when I conceive, I will be on progesterone supplements from the moment I find out that I am pregnant. If we can make it through the first trimester, the plan will be the same as with Dorothy: cerclage at 13 weeks, weekly progesterone shots/ultrasounds, and probable bedrest and contraction meds. My OB did ask me if I wanted a lot of children. What a loaded question! But rationally, I know that one more full-term pregnancy is all I am shooting for. Her advice was the same, that she only wanted to see me go through one more pregnancy, and she'd like to see me go for a tubal (or vasectomy for DH) after that. I can live with that. With the struggle it has been to even get where we are, it's probably best physically and emotionally not to pursue it any further after two children. She advised us to wait two normal cycles before we try, so that would put us tentatively trying again around the beginning of April IF my next two cycles are on the short end, as I tend to be irregular. That's it for now!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
It's Over. Again.
I haven't been to the Dr., but my temperature was down to the coverline today, and the spotting has begun. Most of my questions are spiritual. I have never felt so alone.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Please don't take my baby...
I've spent the day crying. And studying for my math test. And crying some more. And showing up for math class trying to look like I hadn't been crying all day. They didn't say that the pregnancy was doomed, but I don't see how a rise of less than 1/3 when it should be doubling is anything to be hopeful about. And I really just don't know how to feel other than hopeless and angry. I pounded the steering wheel and yelled at God tonight... because I could. "DO you even care about me at all?? Well, do you?!!" I know, so mature, so full of faith. But I don't have anything else in me.
*I just feel so alone, and ready to give up on the idea of having more children. But my heart breaks at the thought of not feeling that life inside me again. I just can't bear the thought. But I also can't bear the thought of trying again. Please tell me there is hope; tell me there is a way to work the kaiser system to get the testing and help to carry a baby to term. Because if I don't have someone that will be proactive and not twiddle their thumbs and brush off my babies as statistics, then I can't do this again. I just can't. Tell me there is hope.*
*I just feel so alone, and ready to give up on the idea of having more children. But my heart breaks at the thought of not feeling that life inside me again. I just can't bear the thought. But I also can't bear the thought of trying again. Please tell me there is hope; tell me there is a way to work the kaiser system to get the testing and help to carry a baby to term. Because if I don't have someone that will be proactive and not twiddle their thumbs and brush off my babies as statistics, then I can't do this again. I just can't. Tell me there is hope.*
NEWS
I got my HCG results back and it only went up by 10. I don't know what the plan is, whether they are going to take another draw or just wait and see what happens. But with Dorothy my numbers more than doubled every two days. This is not good news....
I can tell you one thing. If this baby dies, too... I am SO DONE TRYING.
I can tell you one thing. If this baby dies, too... I am SO DONE TRYING.
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