Well, it's not a lot, but I'll take it! My appointment went well today, cervix behaving at 2.8cm. Baby Dorothy is now just over 3 lbs and is a very average size for her age. Good news! She's getting bigger and therefore kicking me harder. There is nothing like that feeling.
So we now have permission to go on 2 outings a week... dinner, movie, things like that. He said he would add an outing at a time for a while until I get off the bedrest, which it's not for sure when I will get off it. So this week will be dinner out with my family and registering for my family baby shower that is 3 weeks from today. It seems unreal to be this far into it, as I spent so long worried that our baby would be born way too soon. We are in very good territory now, being that my 30 week mark is tomorrow.
I have had a very mellow week. I got to spend a night with my sister-in-law and hold my nephew quite a bit. I just can't get enough of him and his cute little self. For once I can let myself imagine what it might be like to hold my baby that way. Part of me still wants to protect myself. Part of me wants to say that anything could happen. But it is now easier to hope than it has been and I am slowly letting myself prepare for a child. I think most of the mental preparation is still hard to do, but here we are getting closer and closer. I want nothing more than to hold her and know that she is safe. Someday soon....
Friday, June 30, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
HOT
I don't know why I can't bring myself to blog lately. Maybe it's the heat... or the boredom... or the lack of things to talk about... or the IRRITABILITY. Could be all of the above. I even get irritated at my own dang self because I CAN'T TYPE and I am tired of hitting the delete button ALL THE TIME. How sad is that? I can't even be around myself now! I annoy me...
I used to sit around happily crocheting:
Now due to the heat I look more like this:
This is my current project:
BUT I can't work on it right now since we are having record breaking heat and I am already laying on the couch... and the blanket/couch throw is now covering me when I work on it. Normally I love summer. I go for picnics and swimming. Definitely take advantage of some camping and hiking! But not this year... and it's driving me nuts. My sense of adventure is suffocating. We'll just have to get one of those baby backpack things and go hiking with her after she comes, I suppose. I'm sure it will have to be next year after I work on my weak thighs!
So starting next week David and I will be staying at his parents' house. His mom will get my lunch ready in the morning and we will not have to worry about people coming in and out of the house. Honestly, I have been on people overload for a while now. That sounds wierd I know because most of the time I am sitting here alone. But to have people in and out of the house daily (twice daily on the dinner days) is a bit much for me. 16 weeks of that would wear on anyone I think, regardless of how much the help is appreciated. But my emotions can't do it. My patience is fried and sometimes (most of the time) I don't want to be social. So there you go. Not much else happening here, just waiting extra long for my appointment this week, which is not until Friday.
And I am over 29 weeks now!
I used to sit around happily crocheting:
Now due to the heat I look more like this:
This is my current project:
BUT I can't work on it right now since we are having record breaking heat and I am already laying on the couch... and the blanket/couch throw is now covering me when I work on it. Normally I love summer. I go for picnics and swimming. Definitely take advantage of some camping and hiking! But not this year... and it's driving me nuts. My sense of adventure is suffocating. We'll just have to get one of those baby backpack things and go hiking with her after she comes, I suppose. I'm sure it will have to be next year after I work on my weak thighs!
So starting next week David and I will be staying at his parents' house. His mom will get my lunch ready in the morning and we will not have to worry about people coming in and out of the house. Honestly, I have been on people overload for a while now. That sounds wierd I know because most of the time I am sitting here alone. But to have people in and out of the house daily (twice daily on the dinner days) is a bit much for me. 16 weeks of that would wear on anyone I think, regardless of how much the help is appreciated. But my emotions can't do it. My patience is fried and sometimes (most of the time) I don't want to be social. So there you go. Not much else happening here, just waiting extra long for my appointment this week, which is not until Friday.
And I am over 29 weeks now!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Back to the blog
What an eventful week we had! Sunday night my sister-in-law went in to be induced. Since we were both pregnant at the same time, but never got a picture taken together, we got one taken just before she left for the hospital.
Although she went in on Sunday night, the first thing they did was a pill to get her cervix ready for labor. She was not started on the pitocin until Monday morning at around 6 am. Simon was born at 11:47. This picture is about 5 minutes after his birth.
I went back to the hospital later that day (a couple more times). I could not get enough of holding him. He is so tiny and so cute! As much as it has been hard to be around newborns, holding him was wonderful...
I mean, just look at that little face:
The funny thing is, as happy as I am for her, there is still some jealousy in me. I have a feeling that it's pretty normal, but I still feel guilty that I can't simply be happy for the good things in other peoples' lives without thinking about myself. I have been aching to hold a baby... not just any baby, but my baby... since I got pregnant the first time. And even though I am pregnant again now, there is still part of me that can't believe that this is going to turn out with the desired result. I try to push the fear away, but it is there. We are never guaranteed that things are going to turn out the way that we want them to... which scares me. I just want baby Dorothy to get here safe and sound! Of course what I have heard from every mother is that there is always something to worry about.
Last night we went to my parents' house for dinner. David has been asking for a long time to see some baby pictures of me. I have a few toddler ones, but I hadn't gotten around to asking my parents if they could perhaps find my baby pictures. David really wanted to see them before Dorothy gets here, so last night the albums and the box were hunted out of the closet and we all rifled through the pictures together.
It was fun looking through all the pictures. One of the albums had all three of our pictures (my brother, sister and I) of the first few months of our lives. I was one chubby baby right from the start! Man alive those cheeks!!! There were a lot of pictures that were not in albums that spanned our early childhood so we looked through those, too.
It was a fun evening for me. This morning we got up and went to my appointment. Dr. F is out of town... actually out of country... so I saw his wife. They are both Perinatologists in the same office. She asked if there was anything I wanted to do. At first I was trying to figure out what she meant, but the more I thought, the more I realized she wanted to know if there was something I wanted to actually GO OUT and DO this week. Hmmmm, well, it didn't take long for David to pipe in and say, "go to a movie!" She said that was fine if we wanted to try that and see if I felt any different afterward and that it was normal to start testing the waters a bit more and gradually add some activity. So David and I are going to go on a real live date sometime this week! Maybe I can talk him in to taking me to dinner afterward. She just wanted us to make sure we didn't go out the night before my appointment as she laughed and said she didn't want to get in trouble with her husband if my cervix was shorter than normal. Evidently Dr. F was wondering how I was doing. He called the office to check on a few of the patients and asked specifically if I was still pregnant. That made me feel pretty good that he is a dr. that actually cares about his patients enough to think about them outside of work and check on them while he is in Europe. I knew I liked that man! So as of today, my cervix is still stable at 2.6 cm and Dorothy is still at her acrobatics because she flipped around again to a head-down position. So stay that way, baby!
Although she went in on Sunday night, the first thing they did was a pill to get her cervix ready for labor. She was not started on the pitocin until Monday morning at around 6 am. Simon was born at 11:47. This picture is about 5 minutes after his birth.
I went back to the hospital later that day (a couple more times). I could not get enough of holding him. He is so tiny and so cute! As much as it has been hard to be around newborns, holding him was wonderful...
I mean, just look at that little face:
The funny thing is, as happy as I am for her, there is still some jealousy in me. I have a feeling that it's pretty normal, but I still feel guilty that I can't simply be happy for the good things in other peoples' lives without thinking about myself. I have been aching to hold a baby... not just any baby, but my baby... since I got pregnant the first time. And even though I am pregnant again now, there is still part of me that can't believe that this is going to turn out with the desired result. I try to push the fear away, but it is there. We are never guaranteed that things are going to turn out the way that we want them to... which scares me. I just want baby Dorothy to get here safe and sound! Of course what I have heard from every mother is that there is always something to worry about.
Last night we went to my parents' house for dinner. David has been asking for a long time to see some baby pictures of me. I have a few toddler ones, but I hadn't gotten around to asking my parents if they could perhaps find my baby pictures. David really wanted to see them before Dorothy gets here, so last night the albums and the box were hunted out of the closet and we all rifled through the pictures together.
It was fun looking through all the pictures. One of the albums had all three of our pictures (my brother, sister and I) of the first few months of our lives. I was one chubby baby right from the start! Man alive those cheeks!!! There were a lot of pictures that were not in albums that spanned our early childhood so we looked through those, too.
It was a fun evening for me. This morning we got up and went to my appointment. Dr. F is out of town... actually out of country... so I saw his wife. They are both Perinatologists in the same office. She asked if there was anything I wanted to do. At first I was trying to figure out what she meant, but the more I thought, the more I realized she wanted to know if there was something I wanted to actually GO OUT and DO this week. Hmmmm, well, it didn't take long for David to pipe in and say, "go to a movie!" She said that was fine if we wanted to try that and see if I felt any different afterward and that it was normal to start testing the waters a bit more and gradually add some activity. So David and I are going to go on a real live date sometime this week! Maybe I can talk him in to taking me to dinner afterward. She just wanted us to make sure we didn't go out the night before my appointment as she laughed and said she didn't want to get in trouble with her husband if my cervix was shorter than normal. Evidently Dr. F was wondering how I was doing. He called the office to check on a few of the patients and asked specifically if I was still pregnant. That made me feel pretty good that he is a dr. that actually cares about his patients enough to think about them outside of work and check on them while he is in Europe. I knew I liked that man! So as of today, my cervix is still stable at 2.6 cm and Dorothy is still at her acrobatics because she flipped around again to a head-down position. So stay that way, baby!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Still here
Hi I have been a bit absent from the blogging world for a few days, but I have an excuse. David and I have a new nephew, born yesterday at 11:47! I will post some pictures later. His name is Simon and he was 7 lbs. and 20 in. long with lots of dark hair. He is too cute! Sorry this is a short update, but I will try to post some more tomorrow, along with appointment updates.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
28 Weeks!!!!
Thank you to everyone who left comments wishing Kaily a Happy Birthday. It was wonderful to know that so many people were remembering us on that day. We went to my parents' house for dinner and afterward we had a birthday cake for her that my sister made. I wished all day that things were different, that we could have been watching her squish the cake between her little fingers and make a mess all over her face. My mom lit a candle for me to blow out for her. I only had one wish to make, which I have no doubt you can guess what that wish was. It was for her sister...I can't believe we made it this far! We have been waiting since the placement of my cerclage to get to 28 weeks. Dorothy has a 90% chance of survival and it only keeps going up from here. For some reason it is still hard to get through my head that we will be bringing home a baby in a couple of months. It seems unreal. It also seems unreal that I have been on bedrest for 15 weeks now. We are now about 9 weeks away from cerclage removal. NINE WEEKS and we could have a baby in our arms. Oh, how I want to hold her; the time just can't go by fast enough.
I want more than anything else for her to be here, to be healthy, to be strong... not to mention adorable, kissable and cuddly! Sometime in the next few days I will be watching my nephew be born and in some ways it is hard not knowing the future of what will be with Dorothy. Odds are at this point that she will be healthy, but my mind still wanders to all those things that could go wrong (as much as I try not to think about those things). Something tells me there will always be something I could worry about, though!~~~~~~~
*Your baby can hear the outside world over the sound of the moms heartbeat. Hello baby!
*Lunar Month 8, 28 wks LMP
*Baby weighs 2.22 lbs or 1005 grams. Baby is 14.8 inches or 37.6 cm long.
*Your baby has assumed the "fetal position," with its legs tucked up to its chest.
~~~~~~~
Thursday, June 15, 2006
One Year, My Dear
My baby girl Kaily Beth,
One year ago today our lives changed. One year ago today you left us for Heaven. I have missed you every day since then; I will miss you every day until I meet you. Your daddy and I never got to hold you, but we always loved you. We want to plant a tree for you, but we have to wait until your sister is safely here. Perhaps we can celebrate her life and yours at the same time, but until then I will look at your little scrapbook. There are not many pages because your life was so short, but those moments I will never forget. Today I want to honor your memory, and my hope is that God will let you see this so you can know that you are always remembered.
Almost 2 years ago your Daddy and I met. We knew very quickly that we loved each other. Many days and evenings were spent together talking about what we wanted out of life, where we had been and our hopes and dreams for a family together. Some of my favorite memories are of my first moments with him; getting to know your Daddy was so much fun. I knew I could never feel that way about anyone else:
The day he proposed to me was the most beautiful day. It was a sunny day in September and we had gone for a picnic in the park. Little did I know that I had actually planned out the whole day that would become the day that he proposed to me on!
That day was a day of celebration! Our love has only grown since then:
That December we got married. We pledged our love to each other, promised that we would cherish each other every day for the rest of our lives. Your Daddy looked so perfect on that day! Nothing could distract me from looking into his eyes:
So we joined hands, knowing that we would have joys and sorrows together. We didn't know what lay ahead for us, but we knew that no matter what we were committed to be together:
Only a few short months after we got married I found out I was pregnant with you, baby girl! We were excited about meeting you. I will never forget the first time we saw you, your tiny heart beating away:
You kept growing strong within me:
The 4 months I was pregnant with you were filled with hope about your future. I dreamed about who you would be, what it would be like to see your beautiful face. As far as I was concerned, nothing could touch my joy and excitement about you:
But you had to leave us so quickly. We don't understand why. A few days after you left us, there was the most beautiful storm. In a small way it reminded me that there was still beauty in the world. All I wanted was you, but you were gone, so I looked at the sky and the double rainbow. I tried to see it as a promise, a hope:
Your Daddy got me a ring to remember you by so I have something with me every day. To me this means you are always with me. The ring holds three hearts: one for your Daddy, one for me, and one for you:
Your Daddy's cousin gave me a gift shortly after you left us, an angel of hope to remind me that you were safe and that better times were coming. I set her out today and lit a candle for your short life. Your sister is now waiting to come and meet us. It brings me comfort to think that you might be up there praying for her and for us. Some days I don't feel that hope, but I know it is there:
I also put out an angel that your great Aunt Nancy gave me on my birthday this year, as well as a ceramic heart that she gave me a few years ago on my birthday. I thought the words were fitting: "God danced the day you were born. You are loved, you are beautiful, you are a gift of God." Even though you were only with us for 4 months, you were a gift born straight to Him:
Your Daddy and I will never forget that our love is what created you. So in that small way you are still with us because our love is always there. You will always be a part of that love:
I try every day to hang on to the good things. For a while there life did not seem good if I could not have you in my arms. But there are still things to experience and people to love. "What a wonderful God we have- He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." II Corinthians 1:3-4
"Let the spotlight of grief draw you, your family and friends together in the circle of its light.":
I will try to honor you by finding hope in the future, by enjoying life and helping other people. When the sadness and longing for you seems too strong I will think of where you are now. What I want you to know is that you are always loved and always remembered. Nothing can replace the hole that was made when you left. Happy Heaven birthday, Kaily!
"After the death of your special person, there is still life for you. Someday you will be able to smile and say, 'My broken heart is healed.' Someday..."
One year ago today our lives changed. One year ago today you left us for Heaven. I have missed you every day since then; I will miss you every day until I meet you. Your daddy and I never got to hold you, but we always loved you. We want to plant a tree for you, but we have to wait until your sister is safely here. Perhaps we can celebrate her life and yours at the same time, but until then I will look at your little scrapbook. There are not many pages because your life was so short, but those moments I will never forget. Today I want to honor your memory, and my hope is that God will let you see this so you can know that you are always remembered.
Almost 2 years ago your Daddy and I met. We knew very quickly that we loved each other. Many days and evenings were spent together talking about what we wanted out of life, where we had been and our hopes and dreams for a family together. Some of my favorite memories are of my first moments with him; getting to know your Daddy was so much fun. I knew I could never feel that way about anyone else:
The day he proposed to me was the most beautiful day. It was a sunny day in September and we had gone for a picnic in the park. Little did I know that I had actually planned out the whole day that would become the day that he proposed to me on!
That day was a day of celebration! Our love has only grown since then:
That December we got married. We pledged our love to each other, promised that we would cherish each other every day for the rest of our lives. Your Daddy looked so perfect on that day! Nothing could distract me from looking into his eyes:
So we joined hands, knowing that we would have joys and sorrows together. We didn't know what lay ahead for us, but we knew that no matter what we were committed to be together:
Only a few short months after we got married I found out I was pregnant with you, baby girl! We were excited about meeting you. I will never forget the first time we saw you, your tiny heart beating away:
You kept growing strong within me:
The 4 months I was pregnant with you were filled with hope about your future. I dreamed about who you would be, what it would be like to see your beautiful face. As far as I was concerned, nothing could touch my joy and excitement about you:
But you had to leave us so quickly. We don't understand why. A few days after you left us, there was the most beautiful storm. In a small way it reminded me that there was still beauty in the world. All I wanted was you, but you were gone, so I looked at the sky and the double rainbow. I tried to see it as a promise, a hope:
Your Daddy got me a ring to remember you by so I have something with me every day. To me this means you are always with me. The ring holds three hearts: one for your Daddy, one for me, and one for you:
Your Daddy's cousin gave me a gift shortly after you left us, an angel of hope to remind me that you were safe and that better times were coming. I set her out today and lit a candle for your short life. Your sister is now waiting to come and meet us. It brings me comfort to think that you might be up there praying for her and for us. Some days I don't feel that hope, but I know it is there:
I also put out an angel that your great Aunt Nancy gave me on my birthday this year, as well as a ceramic heart that she gave me a few years ago on my birthday. I thought the words were fitting: "God danced the day you were born. You are loved, you are beautiful, you are a gift of God." Even though you were only with us for 4 months, you were a gift born straight to Him:
Your Daddy and I will never forget that our love is what created you. So in that small way you are still with us because our love is always there. You will always be a part of that love:
I try every day to hang on to the good things. For a while there life did not seem good if I could not have you in my arms. But there are still things to experience and people to love. "What a wonderful God we have- He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." II Corinthians 1:3-4
"Let the spotlight of grief draw you, your family and friends together in the circle of its light.":
I will try to honor you by finding hope in the future, by enjoying life and helping other people. When the sadness and longing for you seems too strong I will think of where you are now. What I want you to know is that you are always loved and always remembered. Nothing can replace the hole that was made when you left. Happy Heaven birthday, Kaily!
"After the death of your special person, there is still life for you. Someday you will be able to smile and say, 'My broken heart is healed.' Someday..."
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Checking in
I just wanted to write a quick post so you all wouldn't be worried about me! I had my appointment early this week. This morning Dr. F was not there, there was only a sub in, so I just had my ultrasound and progesterone shot. The nurses said since everything still looked stable (cervix closed and 2.5cm long) that we didn't have to see the dr. unless we had questions. The only thing that changed is that Dorothy is breech again, so she is kicking my cervix and her legs are getting stronger!!! Ouch! So I am still allowed to go to the hospital when David's sister has her baby. Other than that nothing much going on. I am not inspired to write much the past few days (maybe because this week is Kaily's birthday week) but I will try to post more tomorrow or the next day.
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