Laptop Issues!

Well I wanted to get some pictures up here of our weekend, but they will have to wait, as the memory card from our camera can only be used with the laptop. It is still having issues connecting to the internet and David is still trying to figure out why.

Aside from the heat, my baby shower went well. It's amazing how much STUFF there is to get for a baby. I mean, really, how much can a tiny little person actually need?? I got quite a bit of stuff at the shower, but there is still so much to get and I am still not able (not that I am not allowed) to go shopping because of how faint I feel if I am not sitting down. Even a small grocery shopping trip I have a hard time with. This is making me really nervous about all the stuff I have to go get (several different stores) not only for the baby, but to organize and baby-proof the house and simplify our lives. I need a personal assistant!! I should be having one more shower in 2 1/2 weeks that will hopefully fill in some more of the holes before Dorothy comes. My stitch comes out in 4 weeks and I feel very unprepared.

Also over the weekend, a living eulogy/blessing was done for David's 95 year old Grandfather. I thought it was really good. There was a slide show and people shared about what he meant to them over the years. More people should do something similar for their family members, in my opinion. People need to know their lives made a difference, so why do people wait until after the person is gone to share all the picutres and memories?

In all it was a good weekend and we are all trying to survive the heatwave here. It should be a bit better today, but still in the 90s. Time for some swimming!

Stuff

Last week I was having some laptop issues so I couldn't write a blog entry. Every time I tried the computer wouldn't connect. Technology. Gotta love it. Gotta hate it.

So I reached 32 weeks on Saturday and this is what the baby bump looks like. She sure is growing fast. It is hard to imagine that in 5 weeks the cerclage is coming out and Dorothy is going to come soon after. I am honestly terrified of labor (I know, I am a wimp), but also really excited to meet our baby girl. Last week Dr. F said I could be gradually increasing my activity level. He didn't give me a specific number of outings, so I have gone out quite a bit, but sitting down mostly. I just try not to push it too much.

Another reason I have been absent from blogging is that on Sunday night little Simon got sick and had to go to the hospital. I have been there quite a bit just to spend time. He is still there, but they were able to find out what was causing his fever. He got a bladder infection which also spread to his bloodstream. They got him on the right antibiotics for the bacteria and he is doing much better. He might be able to go home as early as tomorrow evening, but it's not for sure yet. I have been emotional about this all, especially since it is happening all around the time of my baby shower. You know how it is to have everything picture perfect in your head? I guess this time in my pregnancy I wanted to be able to enjoy it and it's hard to keep my mind on things. I also really want my sister-in-law to be there for the shower and I don't know if she will be able to. Friday evening is when the shower, and this one will be mainly for family and a few friends. We are getting a heat wave starting tomorrow and it is supposed to be around 100 on Friday and 104 on Saturday with no air conditioning!!! We'll all need a shower after the shower!

Other than that, we are just waiting for the big day.

Update, Update.....

It has been a few days since I made an entry, so this could be a long entry, depending on how lazy I am feeling. I'll start with the facts from our appointment on Thursday. Everything was still looking stable, so I was approved for 3 outings for the week (decided on sitting up during church, registering at Babies R Us and going out to lunch today). Dr. F also said to start gradually increasing my "up time" at home. At first this means more sitting mainly, but I have been getting my own breakfast and lunch since it doesn't take a lot of effort. And guess what??? An official date has been set for my cerclage removal! Tuesday, August 22 at 9 AM. I will be 37w3d at that point, so a bit farther along than I was thinking, but of course the longer she can stay in my womb, the better off she will be. So in 6 weeks I will be like a normal preggo waiting for labor to happen. He said if it looked like I was in labor before that or if my water broke, naturally they would remove it earlier, but that is the plan for right now. It feels amazingly good to have an official end in sight, as well as feeling unreal.

So my first outing was going to Babies R Us with David's sister. I was excited to get out and have my first outing that involved more than just sitting there. After taking a double dose of my contraction medication I was pretty confident that it would go well. And it did. For the first hour or so. We got there and got me all signed up and armed with the "gun" to pick all the cute stuff I could think of. Before setting off on my adventure, I mentioned to the customer service lady that I had been on bedrest for a little over 4 months. She said to really pace myself because they had women pass out and/or go into labor in the store, and being on bedrest I would be more at risk for that. I told her I would take it easy, and to be honest I thought I did. We meandered around the store, and I was careful to walk slowly and enjoy my time. I never got to finish the registry because after an hour I had to stop. All of a sudden I was going to pass out! The room started to go dark and I couldn't hear a thing because my ears were humming. I thought I would puke all over the floor. As soon as I found a chair I sat down and a few minutes later I was "fine" but I was done. I still felt off for the rest of the night, and I was so worried that I had done something to hurt the baby. Obviously I didn't realize how much my body has been affected by the bedrest for months on end! From now on I think I will use a wheelchair for outings like that and work on getting back in shape after the delivery. And I think I will finish my registry online! I did register for some cute things, so it wasn't a total flop.

Yesterday we headed to my parents' house to eat and my brother and his family were over. Since it was so hot my dad got out the sprinkler for the girls, so we got quite a few pictures of my nieces playing in the water. Here's one:



I also got a good picture of David's sister with Simon:



It was nice to actually sit up in church yesterday, though the heat was a bit too much for me to take. The message was on God's supremacy in creating each of us. It was mentioned that He numbers each day for each person. I think I still have a difficult time wrapping my mind around that because of babies that don't make it. I know that each person dies at some point and some just die sooner than others, but I, along with a lot of people, put babies and children in this other category. The "untouchable" category. Why create a person who only lives in the womb? I also know that I (obviously NOT being God) don't understand much of anything. I probably don't even have the right to ask "why" but yet I do because somehow it helps me, just as it helps me to eventually stop the asking because I know I will never find the answer here. Some things are just not going to make sense.

One of the songs that we sang yesterday (rather, everyone else sang and I listened to) was the song that we sang in church on Father's Day last year, just days after losing Kaily...

He Knows My Name (I Have A Maker)
Tommy Walker

Verse 1:
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

Chorus:
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

Verse 2:
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

It was so hard for me to hear those words when our baby was no longer with us. If this song was true, her life had been in His hands and He had taken her from us. Not often did I think of where I believe she was taken TO. Not often did I think of how amazing her life must be now compared to what it would have been here. But what of us? What of our family? I don't struggle as much today with the fact that she is gone, and I think mainly because I see her death as the reason that Dorothy is with us. If Kaily had not died first, Dorothy would have because my body would have done the same thing to her. But what of situations where it seems so senseless? What of cord accidents and placental abruption and things of that nature? I can search for answers and ask every question under the sun but still come up with nothing. So I am faced with a challenge in my faith. Do I keep believing or not? Do I trust that God does know my every thought and have each life in His hands, no matter how short (or long)? For me the answer is: I have to. That's my choice. And hopefully the peace will come when I need it, and keep me believing even when I don't know how.

He knows my name...

A Big Thank You!

I must say a big thank you to Catherine for sending me a package to make bedrest more interesting. I have been so amazed at the outpouring of support from people that I have never met face to face. How wonderful to find people that have been through similar experiences that we can relate to. This blogging world is like a whole community in which we share our struggles and joys. We can mourn and celebrate together. Many times we share things on our blogs that we wouldn't elsewhere, bringing us closer because we have had those same thoughts and feelings for so long and have been afraid to speak them.

So, Catherine, I want to thank you for your generous heart. After losing two children of your own you still reach out to other people, let alone someone you only know through the computer screen. not only am I touched by this but I am touched by your writing. You are honest about where you are in life. You don't shy away from the feelings that you have or pretend that they are not there. You are real and raw and in that you help other people know that they are not alone in their grief. Thank you. I can't say it enough.

Now for some pictures to show off my new treasures!

First off, who can be on bedrest without some puzzle games to play with (plus a one month subscription to Netflix)?



I could always use a new project to keep me busy!



And who doesn't want some pretty nails? You ought to see me trying to paint my own toenails!



And here is my replacement "diamond" for while my wedding ring is being fixed:



And of course every woman's weakness:



I saved my favorite part for last...



This bracelet is so beautiful, I was floored when I opened it because I have been looking at all the sites that custom make memorial jewelry and have yet to order one. The beads are a combination of a beautiful pink and silver. Kaily's name is spelled out and there is a tiny footprint charm on the clasp. It is the gift that has touched me the most since the ring I got from David. Just gorgeous. I put it right on and can't stop looking at it!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Happy 4th!

I hope you all had a great Independence Day! The past few days here have been much more relaxing for me. I'm sure I said that in my last post, but it's oh-so-true. It is so nice not having to worry about the house (among other things).

I have watched my niece play in her pool:



I have relaxed with my hubby:



I have played some games:



I have continued to admire a cute little baby:



I have taken random pictures of my sister's tortoise shell cat:



And my belly has continued to get bigger:



Yesterday we just spent the day playing games here and then went to my parents' house (they live right up the street) and had a bbq and played some more games. A lot of the people in my parents' neighborhood set off big fireworks (they are illegal here) so I layed on the lawn chair and watched the "show". We set off a few of our own, though they were rather amusing compared to the other ones going off all around us. In all it was a good day. Today I am working on the baby shower invitations. In a way it is hard for me to do because of the... what shall I call it... paranoia? Even though all the odds are in our favor for a healthy baby there is still part of me that is fearful. But I am looking forward to opening all the baby stuff and putting together Dorothy's room. I am determined to enjoy this!

Finally in the 30's!

Saturday I hit 30 weeks!
(30 weeks after the first day of the last normal menstrual period)
* The fetus is about 10-1/2 inches from head to rump and weighs almost 3 pounds.
* The fetus has lungs that are capable of breathing air, although medical help may be needed.
* The fetus can open and close its eyes, suck its thumb and respond to sound.
* Nearly all babies born now will survive (with intensive care services).
It is starting to feel like I really am on the downhill side of all this (as far as pregnancy). Of course we are in a whole new stage of life when Dorothy comes, no doubt full of challenges, but I am ready to see her face.

We are staying with David's parents for the remaining duration of my bedrest to make it a bit easier on my nerves and I am already feeling more relaxed. My phone rings less. I don't have to be social unless I choose to invite someone to visit. My messy house is out of sight out of mind until I can actually do something about it. Oddly, I have been spending less time on the internet since we have been here, even though I have the laptop. I go through spurts of things that I spend the majority of my time doing. The past few days I am back into reading. I am on my second Dean Koontz book (thriller writer) and loving it. My dad (a big reading buff) introduced me to his writing and I am already hooked. We also had a good weekend with David's family, mainly relaxing and playing a few games.

Last night we used one of my outings to go out to dinner at the Olive Garden with my family. There was a family friend in town from Peru and she took us all out to eat. I must admit that I felt like I was breaking the rules. Being up now makes me nervous because I am so used to being down. Once I am allowed to be up and around all the time I don't know what I'll do! The freedom! It was wonderful sitting up and ordering food and just enjoying dinner (and trying to ignore the newly flared up sciatica... NOT comfy). I am looking forward to more of the same before baby comes and we won't be able to go out as much. We saw X Men 3 last week and hope to go see the new Superman movie next week. Later this week I am going to register at Babies R Us and send out invitations for my baby shower that is in less than 3 weeks! And just 4 short weeks after that my cervix will be freed from the cerclage. It all seems unreal.

For once in this pregnancy I feel like life is moving again instead of standing still without me. I'll have David take a picture of me this afternoon and put it up for you sometime tomorrow...