Mother's Day

This year I don't know how to approach Mother's Day. Of course we are going to do something with or for our mothers, but how do you celebrate Mother's Day when your first child is in Heaven, the other one is still in your womb and the future is still uncertain? Last Mother's Day I was still pregnant and blissfully ignorant. That is the awful thing about Incompetent Cervix, it strikes so suddenly and most women have to go through losing a child before it is diagnosed. Amy and Sarah are blessed that it was caught before they had to experience that kind of loss, thank God they are both enjoying their sons today! Happy Mother's day to both of you! Melissa and KMW both had to experience what it is to lose your first child (in KMW's case, twins), and I would be surprised if they are not feeling the same way about Mother's Day that I am.

Is it right to celebrate being a mother when your child is not living? How do we memorialize our children and acknowledge the fact that we are, in fact, mothers when society does not recognize that we are? And it is a mixed bag of emotions as well because Mother's Day is not a happy day for those who have lost their children. I think we can still celebrate the fact that a child was created within us and I believe we will see those children someday. So even though it is a sad and confusing time, Melissa and KMW, I wish you peace on Mother's Day and an assurance that you are mothers even if others are too uncomfortable with the subject to bring it up. For me, it hurts more when it is brushed aside or when I hear comments like, "oh, you'll understand this or that when you are a mom." The truth is, I am. Two children have lived and grown in my body, two children have been loved by me more than I thought I could love, and regardless of whether I see them on earth, nothing can change the fact that I am their mother.


baby belly at 22w4d 5/10/06


There has been a discussion about the whole Mother's Day thing on the IC support board as many women are mourning the fact that not only have they lost their children, but people in their lives flat out refuse to acknowledge that they are mothers. One woman had a family member say to her that this year she could finally celebrate Mother's Day because she was actually a mother. This poor woman had two stillbirths prior to her first living child and nobody was even willing to admit that she was a mother until she was holding a living child. There is story after story like this, and it makes me so angry. I have not had this experience (for the most part) and for that I am thankful. One of the women on the support board posted this poem.

What Makes A Mother

Written by Jennifer Wasik

In memory of Zachery Wasik.


I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"

There are countless others that I could mention here who have lost one or multiple children at various stages in pregnancy or after birth. There is no way I could list them all here, but I wish and pray the same for all of you....

So to all of you women out there who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a child later in childhood, know that I am thinking of you on Mother's Day. I know that even if you have other children with you, you will never forget the little ones who touched you for that brief time.

To all of you who have your children in your arms, enjoy your gift and always hold them close.

Happy Mother's Day.