Thursday, June 15, 2006

One Year, My Dear

My baby girl Kaily Beth,

One year ago today our lives changed. One year ago today you left us for Heaven. I have missed you every day since then; I will miss you every day until I meet you. Your daddy and I never got to hold you, but we always loved you. We want to plant a tree for you, but we have to wait until your sister is safely here. Perhaps we can celebrate her life and yours at the same time, but until then I will look at your little scrapbook. There are not many pages because your life was so short, but those moments I will never forget. Today I want to honor your memory, and my hope is that God will let you see this so you can know that you are always remembered.

Almost 2 years ago your Daddy and I met. We knew very quickly that we loved each other. Many days and evenings were spent together talking about what we wanted out of life, where we had been and our hopes and dreams for a family together. Some of my favorite memories are of my first moments with him; getting to know your Daddy was so much fun. I knew I could never feel that way about anyone else:



The day he proposed to me was the most beautiful day. It was a sunny day in September and we had gone for a picnic in the park. Little did I know that I had actually planned out the whole day that would become the day that he proposed to me on!



That day was a day of celebration! Our love has only grown since then:



That December we got married. We pledged our love to each other, promised that we would cherish each other every day for the rest of our lives. Your Daddy looked so perfect on that day! Nothing could distract me from looking into his eyes:



So we joined hands, knowing that we would have joys and sorrows together. We didn't know what lay ahead for us, but we knew that no matter what we were committed to be together:



Only a few short months after we got married I found out I was pregnant with you, baby girl! We were excited about meeting you. I will never forget the first time we saw you, your tiny heart beating away:



You kept growing strong within me:



The 4 months I was pregnant with you were filled with hope about your future. I dreamed about who you would be, what it would be like to see your beautiful face. As far as I was concerned, nothing could touch my joy and excitement about you:



But you had to leave us so quickly. We don't understand why. A few days after you left us, there was the most beautiful storm. In a small way it reminded me that there was still beauty in the world. All I wanted was you, but you were gone, so I looked at the sky and the double rainbow. I tried to see it as a promise, a hope:



Your Daddy got me a ring to remember you by so I have something with me every day. To me this means you are always with me. The ring holds three hearts: one for your Daddy, one for me, and one for you:



Your Daddy's cousin gave me a gift shortly after you left us, an angel of hope to remind me that you were safe and that better times were coming. I set her out today and lit a candle for your short life. Your sister is now waiting to come and meet us. It brings me comfort to think that you might be up there praying for her and for us. Some days I don't feel that hope, but I know it is there:



I also put out an angel that your great Aunt Nancy gave me on my birthday this year, as well as a ceramic heart that she gave me a few years ago on my birthday. I thought the words were fitting: "God danced the day you were born. You are loved, you are beautiful, you are a gift of God." Even though you were only with us for 4 months, you were a gift born straight to Him:



Your Daddy and I will never forget that our love is what created you. So in that small way you are still with us because our love is always there. You will always be a part of that love:



I try every day to hang on to the good things. For a while there life did not seem good if I could not have you in my arms. But there are still things to experience and people to love. "What a wonderful God we have- He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." II Corinthians 1:3-4
"Let the spotlight of grief draw you, your family and friends together in the circle of its light.":



I will try to honor you by finding hope in the future, by enjoying life and helping other people. When the sadness and longing for you seems too strong I will think of where you are now. What I want you to know is that you are always loved and always remembered. Nothing can replace the hole that was made when you left. Happy Heaven birthday, Kaily!



"After the death of your special person, there is still life for you. Someday you will be able to smile and say, 'My broken heart is healed.' Someday..."

28 comments:

Catherine said...

Happy Birthday Kaily. I'm thinking of you and your mama and your little sister on this day.

Kathy said...

I've been thinking about you and praying for you today Becci.

Blair said...

I lit a candle for her too
I hope you don't mind.

Becca said...

What an incredible memorial. Happy Birthday in Heaven, Kaily Beth.

Lori Rode said...

Happy Birthday to Kaily. That was an incredibly beautiful post. Thank you for letting us share it. We support you and love you!

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday Kaily!

I'm so glad you were able to post today. I've been thinking of you all day.

You know how God works in strange ways?? Well, I was having a hard day and my friend at work read the II Corinthians 1:3-4 to me. That was a little surreal to see it here too. Hmm, I think God may be saying something...

R said...

You know how to make a girl cry. Happy Birthday Kaily.

Maggie said...

Happy Birthday Kaily! What a beautiful post! Your post from Corinthians is so fitting. I've not lost a child but my father died when I was young. I truly believe that experience has helped me be there for others who really needed support. I guess God works in mysterious ways. It doesn't take away the hurt but it helps us see some positive impact in what happened.
I've been thinking of you all day. The pictures of you and your DH are beautiful!
~Hugs~
Maggie

Laura said...

That was beautiful, Becci. I'm so sorry that your sweet Kaily isn't with you.

Melissa said...

My heart is with you, Becci. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Kaily. ((HUGS))

Meri-ann said...

Happy Birthday Kaily....

Beautiful post Becci, thinking of you on this hardest of days.

Tonya said...

Happy heavenly birthday Kaily.

That was such a beautiful post Becci and an incredible memorial and show of love for Kaily. You are such a strong, beautiful and wonderful person and your post today showed all of those things.

((((hugs)))) for you, David and Dorothy!

Stephanie said...

Hi Becci,

I was incredibly honored that you shared your very special blog posting tribute to Kaily. My father-in-law died 8 years ago tomorrow. I know that he can see your Kaily on her heavenly birthday. He was nuts about babies and vise versa! You are doing an amazing job at a very difficult job. Keep up the great work!

Stephanie

callistawolf said...

Many many many *hugs* to you on this day. So hard but so beautiful all at once.

Happy birthday to your little angel and I'm glad to see you're "hanging in there". Here's to many more weeks of "hanging in there". :)

Kara said...

That made me cry. As one who's lost one and now has a beautiful little girl in my life, I share your pain and celebrate the memory of all the little ones so badly wanted, but taken too soon. Happy birthday, Kaily.

Krystal said...

Becci I think that was one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read. You, David, Dorothy, and Kaily are always in my heart.

Happy birthday, Kaily! Your mommy loves you so much!!!

Mandy Lynn said...

Still crying Becci... I am so sorry sweet Kaily isn't here with you today! I believe she is in heaven celebrating her birthday with all the angels today!

Happy Birthday precious one. You are very loved!

Emma's Mum said...

Thinking of you - thank you for sharing that beautiful post....

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, and Butterfly kisses, Kaily!

A poem now for all the mommies who must wait to see their little ones:

DIAMONDS

TEARS ARE FROZEN INTO PLACE
INVISIBLE DIAMONDS ON YOUR FACE.
ARE THEY TEARS FROM YESTERDAY?
A YOUNG LIFE STARTED
BUT COULD NOT STAY...

THE DEPTH OF YOUR SORROW
ENVALUES YOUR TEARS.
YOURS IS A LOVE THAT KEEPS GIVING
THROUGHOUT ALL YOUR YEARS.

LOVE MOM

Dacia said...

Oh Kaily, you are sooo loved by so many people sweetie. You keep watching over mommy and daddy and your little sister and continue to give them strength. David and Becci, you are two of the strongest people I know. Hugs to the both of you. Rub your belly and let Dorothy know how special she is and she has the bestest sister in the world up above....

liz.mccarthy said...

Oh Becci, What a touching post. It brought tears to my eyes. Kaily is so dearly missed.

I hope you are doing ok...

Liz

KMW said...

take care of yourself, becci.

Levi's Mommy said...

Happy Birthday to Sweet Kaily.
Hope you are having a sweet heavenly celebration with all our precious angels who are there with you..........
And Becci, what a beautiful loving tribute to your little girl!
~from Lynne, mommy to angels Levi & Kailey~

Michelle said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sweet baby girl. May you continue to have peace as you cherish your memories of her short time with you. You have such a gift of words!

Lola badeggs said...

Thinkng about you...

Emmakirst said...

What a beautiful post, I'm so glad you shared this with us. Take care.

Blair said...

Still thinking of you!

kate said...

I know i am late but i also wanted to say Happy Birthday sweet Kaily...

What a beautiful post...